Monday, May 26, 2008

Broken Hearted Little Kids...

Today is the visitation and it is official that I am completely lost. Tears seem to be absent but the ache in my heart remains; strongly squeezing the life from me. I am exhausted as this process seems to be drawn out rather far. I feel as if our world has stopped but the world around us has continuted on, never halting in rememberance, never giving us one iota of a break. The list of things that must be done in the next week, just to catch back up to the rest of the world, is lengthy and that is the fact that is haunting the back of my mind this morning.

We have requested that friends of ours don't come to the visitation or the funeral because our family is very large and there will be hordes of people giving us sympathies and condolances. We would rather our friends be here for us in the coming weeks instead to help us continue on with life the way we inevitably have to do.

Today is the day that Bubba and Teensy get to see their Grandma and say their goodbyes. It has been especially hard on Bubba. The seven year old is old enough to remember and understand what's going on but not quite old enough to know how to deal with it. When we first told them, my heart shattered at the sobs that erupted from them both. That was the single worst minute of my entire life. Watching the pain in the hearts of my seven and five year olds and not being able to ease it in any way or offer up any kind of platitudes was unbearable.

Bubba decided then and there that he wanted to make his Grandma a blanket to keep her warm (although he said he knew she was dead and dead people are cold). My mom stepped up and very wonderfully helped him make one. A camoflauge fleece with frogs on it (his Grandma Geri would laugh because it is so very Bubba in nature to have camoflauge--he dreams of being in the military). The blanket is the size of a small baby blanket (which is very fitting--Geri made a crocheted baby blanket for every new baby in the family). My mom did the cutting, Bubba did the tying and then he also made a matching one for himself to have at night. This morning he will see Grandma Geri lying in the casket and will be able to hug her, kiss her and give her his special present. I am terrified of what kind of heartbreak it will be for him. This is one pain that a mother just cannot ease.

Teensy doesn't understand as well as Bubba does. At least, it hasn't hit her quite as badly yet. Her initial reaction was the same and she has lost some of her joy in her interactions with people but I don't think it will really hit her until she realizes the everyday things that Grandma Geri won't be her 6th birthday party next weekend. Grandma already bought her a card and a present (she told me about it on Tuesday when we we out at her house) because Grandma Geri never missed a birthday for any of us. She was as excited about attending Teensy's huge Tea Time birthday Party as Teensy was about having it. Teensy and I made her invitations although they haven't gone out yet because of the circumstances. Grandma Geri will get the first one, hand delivered to her casket this morning by a heart broken little girl in a beautiful green dress. I have a lump in my throat just thinking about the hell that this day will be...and it's only the visitation. We still have to endure the funeral and the rest of our lifetimes without her.

This can't be happening. Someone wake us up and tell us that we all had the same nightmare. Please, I beg of you. Do. Not. Let. This. Be. Real.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Getting it off my chest...

Tempers are flaring, tears are flowing and we are all exhausted, lost and deeply saddened. We have still yet to figure out how to live our daily lives without our Matriarch. Family is pouring in from all over the globe and we here in town are accomodating them the best way we know how. We have recieved food, hugs and calls from relatives, friends, and even strangers. We are grateful to all of you that have offered to help or have already helped in some way or another.

I am mad. I cannot speak for anyone else in the family for my feelings ar my own but I am pissed and hurt and most of all heartbroken and lost. I really don't have a clue where to go next or what to do. Shouldn't the world stop until we are ready to live it again? Our world has stopped, why hasn't everyone elses? My kids were supposed to start their new daycare on Tuesday, but Tuesday is the funeral. Work beckons, the housework still needs to be done, a birthday party, a Girl Scout Meeting...there is just so much that has to be cancelled while we deal with this sudden loss. I can't walk through the grocery store without thinking that Geri won't be around for Teensy's Birthday Party next weekend, she won't be around to hug on the kids and watch them grow. She won't get to see them get married or have babies of their own. She won't be there to help my dear hubby through our fights or his fears. She just won't be there. For anything. And that makes me mad. Her time on this Earth was not over. She still had work to do. She had us. She had a family that needed her to function and live and breathe. She should have lived a very long and full life and she was just jipped. She deserved better than to die in the manner that she did. She just deserved the best and she was not given it. Therefore, I am upset beyond words.

Most of my family just found out that I have a blog. I don't know how many of them will read it after reading the initial post and my pseudo obituary but for any of those that do...I am sorry. I wish I could bring her back. This is my way of dealing with my emotions. I started this blog to start recognizing the little things in my life so that I don't take them for granted and yet I don't believe that I started soon enough because I don't have as many stories to share about my time with my Mother-In-Law as the rest of you do and I feel like I took her for granted. I do know that she was a wonderful grandmother to my children and I will forever be upset that they missed out on the chance to make a lifetime of memories with her. But I loved her no less than the rest of you for she loved me as much as my own mother.

I'm just not sure where to go or what to write from here. Dear hubby and the kids are watching a movie to try to deal with this. Daytime is filled with things that have to be done and people that have to be seen but the nights...the nights are long, lonely and hard to deal with. But I will try to cope for my hubby and kids by joining them in the movie watching. maybe that will help.

A Vital Part is Missing...

I don't even know where to start this post. I just know that I need to write something to get it off my chest and out into the universe so that I can be trong for my dear hubby and my kids. We lost a vital part of our family yesterday. My Mother-In-Law died of a heart attack before her car went careening off the road. She's gone. She was dead before she made it to the hospital. And we are left with the biggest hole imaginable in our family.

Geri was an amazing woman. Her kids were her life, her grandkids were her pride and joy. She was constantly giving to anyone in need no matter what it took from herself. She doled out advice whenever needed to whoever needed it and offered a shoulder to countless number of souls to cry on. She organized every family gathering and there were many. She never missed a birthday of her children, their spouses, or her grandchildren always celebrating with a gift, a card and her presence. She took the time to attend school functions for her grandkids from the little things like Picnic in the Park day to the big things like Graduation and always had the greatest of Grandma Joy Smiles upon her face. She went non-stop taking care of her husband, all of us kids and our kids, her elderly parents and her own siblings often not getting enough sleep for herself. She loved her garden and really enjoyed it when she got to plant her new flowers every spring. Pictures were very important to her, too. She started a collection of scrapbooks that spanned all years and covered every child, grandchild and great grandchild she had. She cooked, she cleaned and she raised 6 of the best children a person could raise. With a firm hand but a soft heart she turned out my husband who is the nicest man on earth, two more successful sons, and three daughters all of whom have walked in her footsteps as wonderful mothers. As a Mother-In-Law, we couldn't have asked for anyone better. She was always welcoming and treated us as her own. In fact, she treated everyone who stepped foot through her door as her own, friend or family, it didn't matter. When you walked into her home, you were hers to love and care for. And she did that better than anyone. She loved and cared for us all until her very last breath.

And we will miss her for the rest of our days.
Rest in Peace, Mom. Enjoy your coffee with Joann and keep an eye out for us. We will do our best to hold the family together in your absence but we will need your guidance and your love from up above.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Needed a change...

I didn't get to watch the American Idol finale yet but becuase of another blog and what someone put on their MySpace mood, I know who won. David Cook. Yay!!! I am excited about that but I will still go home and watch the finale on my DVR so that I get the full effect of the wonderment that is him.

I didn't watch it live because I wasn't home. I was off getting my hair cut and doing the grocery shopping. I was looking for a drastic change and I sure as hell got one. But I think that I like it. Alot. Dear hubby is not quite so sure but it will grow on him and it will grow back. So here it is. Let me know what you think.

Here is me before...
And here is me after...

I think that it makes me look older and more mature but I have had varying opinions on that statement. One way or another, I like it. I was looking for a change (I do that every so often, color, cut, etc.) This is the shortest that I have ever had my hair and it has grown on me already. The only complaint that I have....I am freezing cold with the rainy weather outside today and no hair to keep my neck warm!!! I guess I'll have to take to wearing scarves! Oh yeah, a new reason to go shopping!!!

The reports are in...Dear hubby isn't quite sure what to think, Teensy says that it is pretty when it's short but does not want to cut hers short, Bubba gave me a big smile and liked it, co-worker laughed loudly but ultimately said it was different, older co-worker that wasn't expected to notice at all did notice tight away and said it looked good, boss's husband was caught saying I look like a movie star while on his cell phone headed out of the office.

Anyway, I have been watching my counter go up every day so I know you people are out there reading. Leave me a comment and let me know what you think. Until the next post...look for the little things (and the drastic changes)!

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Guilty Pleasures...

One of my guilty (not really) pleasures is watching my shows on tv. I have a DVR so I record several shows every week and then watch them when dear hubby, Teensy and Bubba are asleep so that I can have some peace. One of the shows that I record and watch religiously is American Idol, however, dear hubby likes to watch the performances with me, so it's nice snuggle time.

Last night was the beginning of the finale show. I have been a fan of David Cook for the entire show. I am not a rocker chick and actualy very rarely do I listen the the type of music DC likes to sing but that man has a voice that has me creaming in my pants swooning every Tuesday night. Last night was no exception. He was great. My mouth hung open the whole time and when he looked straight into the camera and into my tv room, I creamed swooned (as dear hubby rolled his eyes into the back of his head for the 80th time during the show.

But I have to say this...DC isn't going to win, at least I will be surprised if he does. David Archuleta was phenomonal last night. His voice was more mature than ever and he played the game to win by choosing the perfect songs. DC will last longer in the industry while Archie will crack under the pressure in less than a year. But in all fairness, Archie played the shy kid next door angle and was better at playing "the game".

However, I will be searching and watching for David Cook's first album. I am going to go through withdrawls not having his sexy voice pouring through the speakers on my television every Tuesday night.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

White Men...can laugh!

I love a really good insult. Without a mean spirit behind it. Ones that are said out of love and jut to be funny. I have often been the butt of those jokes but anytime that someone gets a good jab in, I laugh and commend them on their wit ((like when dear hubby said, just the other day, "I am going to go out and start unloading. You just stay here and do what you do know hop n your broom and fly around!" I laughed my ass off because I knew that he didn't mean it intentionally)) I heard the best ever insult said in the most loving way the other night and I wanted to share it.

The setting: Blackness abounds in the forest. The stars are abundant overhead and can be seen through the tops of the trees. A circle of tents forms around many people standing in small groups, huddled in long fleece coats of varying colors around a dim and dying fire. The conversation amongst the few that stand by me is about the darkness.

T-MAN: Someone should do something about that fire. It is so dark out here that no one can see anyone else's face.

ME: What do you mean? Everyone can see you!

T-MAN fingers his platinum hair and knows full well that he is as white as a white boy can possibly get while smiling a little self-conciously.

KIT: Yeah, your momma made you with a built in glow stick. ((said nonchanlantly tossed over a shoulder while staring at the fires dying embers))

T-MAN: What?

Yeah, he totally pretended to not hear the insult (although he did laugh when he really did hear what she said). I had to cross my legs and stand still so as not to pee myself with laughter! Good one, Kit. It's a good thing T-Man knows you love him or else he may have pummeled you with his maracas!!! Best moment of the whole night!

Monday, May 19, 2008

Gay Marriage---a possibility???

SAN FRANCISCO - In a monumental victory for the gay rights movement, the California Supreme Court overturned a voter-approved ban on gay marriage Thursday in a ruling that would allow same-sex couples in the nation's biggest state to tie the knot. Domestic partnerships are not a good enough substitute for marriage, the justices ruled 4-3 in striking down the ban.

I am a huge supporter of Gay Marriage. Why? Because...

1) It is a fundamental right of being a human being to be able to love and no one should be able to dictate who it is we fall in love with.

2) Gay people are not lesser people just because the choose to be with someone of the same sex and therefore should not have lesser rights than the rest of us.

3) There is supposed to be a separation between church and state. It is the church that says Gay Marriage should not be permitted and I am tired of "Christians" judging others when it is not their place. Leave it up to your "Big Guy in the Sky" to decide when the time comes. Until then, get over yourselves and "Love Thy Neighbor".

4) My best friend is a lesbian...and I want to help plan her wedding and be her Matron of Honor AND I want her to be happy and free to marry whomever she chooses!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

The small but good things that brighten my dismal day...

I seriously just scored my and my dear hubby a sweet deal!!! TICKETS TO SEE CARLOS MENCIA!!! And not just any tickets...FRONT ROW MIDDLE tickets. He could soooooo choose us to pick on and make fun of and we won't have problems hearing him or seeing his facial expressions and oh. my. god. I am sooooo excited!!! My hubby and I have a date to see a comedian!!!

I just wish the tickets weren't for October. That ruins the fun for now. *sigh*

On to other news...

I have been monumentally stressed as of late. My plate is rather full. The main dish consists of roasted medical worries for myself and a cream sauce of dear hubby having to find a new job. The sides chosen for me are gut burning new daycare trials, a heaping helping of last week of school activities, and a mash of best friend moving, little sister leaving, garage sale coming up woes. That of course is just the tip of the iceberg because there is always the soup, salad and the desert courses to eat through as well. Today was the day that I finally cracked. Too much had piled up too high and the stress of the weight on my shoulders turned me into a raving bitch. Until...

My little sister called me and told me to go home tonight and pack the kids enough clothes to last them for 3 days. Include some snacks and car toys for a five or so hour trip, drop them off at school tomorrow making sure to say goodbye and enjoy the weekend. She said that they would be back on Sunday evening sometime. 3 days and 2 nights of no children to worry about or take care of. Stay out as late as we want, come and go as we please. How did she know I needed this? Thanks Brownie. I hope the drive with Bubba, Teensy, Bellisimo, Trinket and Blade isn't too stressful for you. Enjoy your weekend...I know I will. :)

I was vacuuming the offices today (because there were chewed sunflower seeds all over the damn place--but that is a rant for some other time) and I mustn't have heard the front door chime when it opened. I came out of an office to find a yellow smile face cup on my desk filled with a flower bouquet. The card read..."Just for a Smile. Everything will work out fine. Love ya." Knowing that i was on the verge of a completely breakdown, my dear hubby had flowers delivered to my office to help me remember that it will all be okay in the end. A little token of his love on a day when I needed it more than anything. Of course, Coworker has to try to ruin it by asking what dear hubby did wrong because apparently "boys don't send flowers unless they did something bad". Well, hubby bite me.

I am pretty long winded so far in this post, but really since I have been so stressed lately, I haven't been able to thing of things to blog about...or write about for that matter. I was told that I write the best when my emotions about something are the strongest. Well, my emotions are running high right now (partially because I am in the middle of my menstrual cycle--which is something that you all just NEEDED to know!) and so my writer's block has been lifted. I have started back on that yellow brick road of writing. I actually wrote a whole page (689 words) of a story today. But before any of my fans gets excited that it may be on "their story" let me just tell you that I started yet another manuscript. This one is titled "Reality Sets In". Great title, huh? Anyway, I will get back to all of the other writing eventually, but I must go where the inspiration takes me and someday all of my little stories will be woven into one amazing novel. I bet you can't wait! I sure can't. I love the freedom writing brings me and I have opened myself up to new and different genres of books to read so that my writing isn't stuck in the small box of romance.

So that's all for now. My little things for today. The day is far from over and the stress will still come my way with Bubba's doctor appointment and the trashed house that awaits me when i arrive home but I got a few moments of peace in my otherwise hectic life and that will tide me over until I finally pur myself into bed tonight. Enjoy your little things....and your little times.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Date Night...with half naked women!!!

So, I had a date the other night. My dear hubby was wonderful enough to buy me season tickets to the Broadway wannabe Shows in the nearby "big city" for our anniversary or my birthday or something (no, I am not a terrible wife for forgetting which holiday said wonderful present came on because I have more important things to worry about like whether or not my son took his lunch to school today!). So anyway, this series has consisted of four seperate shows and since they all sounded good to me but not necessarily good to dear hubby, I opted to leave him home and take a friend instead.

The first show was "Evita" and wasn't spectacular. I took my best friend Kit to that one. The second was a Cirque Du Soleil look-alike that was fantastic. The third was "A Christmas Carol" and was solidly okay. I let my dear hubby accompany me to both of those and he didn't fall asleep so I am guessing that he didn't think they were too bad. The last in the series was "Chicago" and that was my date night with my friend CrazyK. Here is what we did and heard and saw that night...

CrazyK and I started out the night with dinner at Panchero's. We got really great tasting cheap mexican food that is made fresh in front of you by completely rude Spanish speaking morons in ugly gray t-shirts and dirty aprons. I personally do not have a problem with Spanish speaking people (I even speak a bit of their language) however, these two were just rude! It was obvious by their body language and speech patterns that they were commenting on how absolutely freaking sexy the two of us were, but as you know from my other post, I am not all that keen on men showing their outward affection towards my ungodly attractiveness. So....I ignored them! I know, can you believe it? I didn't say a word to anyone other than CrazyK when we sat down. I HATE bad customer service but their antics just served to make me smile. Thanks for the meal, apron wearing morons.

Anyway, the play was great. Better than great really. I mean, what more could we have asked for? All of the women were dressed in black, tight bras and panties and nighties and see-through body suits and all the men had their bare chests exposed with black vests and tight black pants. Plus, there was signing and dancing and women on trial for murdering their men and a big, fat black woman that just made you want to hug her and her "Mama Morton" attitude of "you rub my back and I'll rub yours." It was great! Just great!

The only downfall...why in the hell do you put in a women's bathroom with three stalls when you know full well that you have a theater with several hundred women that will ALL undoubtedly have to use the restroom during your measly 10 minute intermission??? And why in the fuck is there never enough paper towels to accomodate said hundreds of women??? The paper towels were long gone by the time I hit the stall and therefore me, and the fifty or so girls lined up behind me had to do the *shake, shake, look around so no one sees, wipe on beautiful Play-Going dress thing. Needless to say, I was a couple minutes late getting back into my seat and missed a song! Argh! It was still much fun and well worth the effort to go, though.

As we are walking to the car after the play, a ghost starts up an SUV (technology at it's finest when us Americans can't even get off our lazy asses anymore to start the car--this is a group of citizens that does NOT include me but ONLY because I am more cheap than I am lazy!), a new Denali runs into a barrier (let's see, huge SUV vs. wooden barrier put up to restrict access to a certain turn...which one do you think won? Yeah, the Denali scraped his bumper just so that he could get out of the crowded parking lot 2.36 minutes faster. Impatient much?), and a motor home pulls away throwing sparks from its mudflaps (and continued to throw sparks for 15 miles down the interstate!).

The whole night was great fun, it's really to obad that the season is over. Now where do I take my dates???

To garner a least in me.

Admittedly, bloggers who skip a day of blogging drive me nuts and yet, here I am, a blogger that misses more days than I post. However, I am of the opinion that you cannot bitch about something if you are not willing to change it (which I may have mentioned before--I really can't remember) so here I am, trying to change my blogging ways so that I hae the right to bitch about others who do not post on a day to day basis. :) Not really, I just thought that maybe I had something to say today.

I have been reading blogs by a woman who makes artwork to help benefit pediatric cancer and have been wondering if there is anything that I could do to make a difference in this world. I am not an activist by any means but I do want to do my part in what small ways I can manage on a day to day basis. So here is what I have been doing to help out in my own little way (because you all know that I am all about the little things!)...

1) I sit in my car often to read for a few minutes between appointments or drop-offs or to eat my lunch in peace and I always try to remember to shut it off while I am parked so that I am not polluting the environment for no reason.

2) I am going to start recycling. My town does not have a recycling center. The nearest bins are 30 miles away but I am willing to buy a few totes to sit on my front deck for paper, plastic, glass and cans and then I will drive them all the way to the center to do my small part in the recycling effort. I will even recycle the plastic bottles from all of the bottled water I drink to help make up for the fact that I am picky and only drink the bottled kind.

3) I am going to plant flowers this spring. That will beautify the environment in my neighborhood--at least until I kill them all off with my "black thumb".

4) I will spend more time outside on the deck reading my book this summer and less time inside watching television which will save on electricity.

5) I will try to remember to switch the laundry so that I don' t have to waste water going through the wash cycle again because it's been sitting there forgotten for three days! And I will try to take shorter showers (except on the rare days when I have to shave and therefore have every right to be in that shower for 45 minutes!).

6) I planted a tree on my MySpace page which in turn had Chevrolet plant a real live tree.

7) My husband will bike to work instead of driving his gas-guzzling, environment killing Suburban! Okay, so that's not me, but it's still good for the world around us!!!

That's all I can think of at the moment. Maybe I will do more. Maybe I won't. But I will try. What little things can you do?

Monday, May 12, 2008

The Lighter Side of This...

Have you ever had a boob squishing mammogram? I can now officially say that I have. Go me! Yeah, not really. I was surprised to find out that it was, in fact, kinda funny.

I have heard a few words that women have repeatedly used to describe a mammogram...degrading (and it surely had it's moments of degradation), cold (never did feel the coldness), and squish (which I most definitely understand). In an effort to help out all of the women in America who may have to go through this in the future, I thought that I would tell you every detail so that when you do go in, you will not be unarmed. (In all truth, I just need to find the lighter side of a dark situation as this was a scary situation.)

So, my first advice is...take a good friend with you. Someone funny, quirky, and close enough to be able to talk freely about your breasts. Kit came by the office to ride with me to the hospital in the next town. The drive there was like any other day with her, just small talk and friendship. We arrived at the hospital to find that the entrance was blocked by some construction morons fixing the road! That makes for a great start to a wonderful experience. NOT! We find a parking place and Kit asks if she can take my book in with her. Sign of a true friend---a woman who is willing to read an icky romance novel while waiting at the doctors office for you when she most surely has better things to do. We make our way to the admissions desk (after stopping for directions because we women are capable of doing that!!!) where I sit down and fiddle in my purse. After a minute of waiting at what appears to be a deserted desk, I ring the bell (feeling a tad guilty for interuppting her gossip session in the next room). As I answer all of the questions and get signed in to do my test, Kit is standing behind me making odd snarling noises. I pay no mind to the woman becuase that is, of course, her normal sounding irritation at life. The admissions woman gets up and dissapears. I turn around to talk to Kit and find her wiping the dust off of all the decorations on the walls!!! Then she starts to exclaim in a none-too-quiet voice about how finding all of that dust just drives her crazy and she "wonders who cleans this place". The admissions lady comes back and tells us to meet her around the corner in the big hall. As I stand to leave, she says to Kit "I suppose you think we should clean those". Without missing a beat, Kit replies "No, I think I got it all, now." I turn the corner and about pee myself laughing. Reason one why I love Kit...she slays me!!!

So, we sit down in the waiting room and a nurse comes through the door to give me some paperwork to fill out. It is pink, of course. I fill it out to the best of my knowledge as Kit rearranges all of the magazines in the rack. I turn over the sheet and come across a drawing of...breasts. I have to draw any scars or moles that I have on my breasts. I look to Kit and say "I know I have a mole. I just don't know where!" I look up at the video camera in the corner and then decide that guessing just isn't an option, so I pull out my shirt and look down to see my boobs. Yep, there it is...on my right boob. Okay, I draw a little circle on the pink paper on my lap in the correct place, look over and Kit and giggle like a little girl (probably because of the nerves, not becuase I am just that childish). The nurse comes through the door and takes the clipboard from me while I'm still trying to suppress my giggles and tells me they will be out to get me in a few minutes.

I try to focus my thoughts on the book in my hand when out of the corner of my eye I notice movement in the pane of security glass. I turn to take a look (curiosity always getting the better of me) and my heart leaps into my throat. I am about to head through a brown non-descript door to bare my breasts to some unknown person and behind the glass next to the waiting room is..............a man with a camera!!! Seriously, folks. I was floored! How exactly am I supposed to feel comfortable with the procedure that I am about to endure when there is some pervert on the other side of that door waiting to use me as the star of his next amateur porn shoot?!? Yikes! I say as much to Kit who lovingly rolls her eyes and goes back to reading her Good Housekeeping magazine (that has a slightly more interesting than my dilemma pro-lesbian ad where a woman is asking for a wife) and finally the nurse calls me in through "the door".

The rest of the boob squishing experience made me laugh just as much as it made me want to cry. Here's what the tell you when you get in but no one thinks to tell you before hand. You are handed a plethora of things to tie, tape and plaster to your upper body with very short instructions on how to do so. First you are given a "Mammowipe" (I found this to be hilarious because it is essentially a baby wipe with a stupid name) to wipe off all deodorant which can show up on the scan as calcium deposits. Then you are given PINK band-aids that have a bee-bee glued to the center of them to put over your nipples (see! even in the doctor's office there is to be no nipple-age on the screen!), pieces of pink tape to mark any lumps you may know about and different pink pieces of tape to mark and moles or scars. Finally you are given a hairdressers cape to allow yourself a molecule of privacy (except of course this one is in the mandatory cheap and flimsy fabric of all hospital gowns). When the nurse comes back in your boob is hoisted up on a platform and the nurse holds it in place as she steps on a gas pedal and a plastic plate comes zooming down to hold it in place. You have to quit breathing while the nurse steps behind the screen and the picture is taken. It's like a professional photo shoot for your breast. I tell ya flattened breast felt flattered! Or not!

I walked out of the room after the procedure and pervert male nurse with camera is traipsing up and down the hall taking pictures of the women nurses. I guess he was just getting the before shots for his after hours porn shoot and he wasn't interested in the patients...just the nurses. Come to think of it, there just may have been one nurse in that little white outfit that you see in porn mags see in old psycho horror flicks can buy for Halloween. I am pretty sure that I may have, possibly seen one there. Hmm...makes one wonder.

All in all, the results were fine. I am fine and I will just wait another year for the next boob squishing annual exam. Fun times had by womankind.

Find the little humor in the day and you will find the silver linings in the gray.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Trip to the great unknown...

Okay, so it's not so unkown because it's a trip that I have had to make every year for the last seven years and it is soooooo definitely not great in any terms of the word. So yeah, I guess my title sucked.

All right, I know that you are wondering where I took this splendiferous (hey, I think it's a word!!) trip to, right? Well, I won't keep y ou guessing any longer. I hopped in my car and drove over 20 miles to a nearby town that actually has some decent health care facilities to have my annual hmmmhmmm woman check-up.

For once, I didn't have to sit in the waiting room very long (although I wouldn't have minded on that particular day because I had a good book with me and I haven't had a lot of chances to read for more than 5 minutes lately--and five minutes of reading does not allow one to submerge themselves in a different reality at all). Anyway, I digress. I get called back at the same time as an older couple with a tiny baby boy (I swear the kid was dressed like a girl!). I patiently followed them back and waited my turn to be shoved into an exam room. As soon as she instructs the parents to strip the child down to a diaper, she leads me into a room and immediately says, "Let's get your weight". Now for the record, I have never had weight issues. I was a skinny scrawny bean pole of a girl in high school, completely hid my first pregnancy until I was seven months along and have been a comfortable size, even if I do now have "mommy boobs" and "wide hips". I am of the opinion that you cannot bitch about something that you are not willing to work to change and since I am completely against exercising and I love my junk food, I cannot bitch about being fat even if I was.

So anyway, I follow the nurse out of the room, all the while listening to her bitch about a back ache that she has because of catching a child who walked off an exam table the day before. I step on the scale and the next thing I know, the nurse stops in mid sentance to say..."Moo. Okay let's get your blood pressure." I did a quick double take and stepped off the scale just to hear it repeat her word..."MOOOOOO". Okay, now, a scale has never mooed at me before, so this is a new experience to me. I knew in the back of my mind (and in all of the "I'm fat" comments to my dear hubby) that I was gaining weight, but this was proof positive that it wasn't in my head. I had in fact gained probably 20-30 pounds!!! Yikes.

On with the appointment...the nurse never quit talking about her back. In fact, she was so concerned with her own pain that she never once asked me about what I was being seen for. She handed me a gown and stepped out of the room. In comes the doctor (a minute before I was actually ready for her to come in) and she is all business and ready to go with a smile on her face. The visit went like this...

Her: question, question...poke...small talk about
Me: answer, shrug...squirm...answer small talk...cringe
Her: another question...this will be cold...shove, tickle, poke
Me: answer, stare into light in ceiling...yikes...squirm, move, clench
Her: all done, question about family history..."You need a mammogram, please get dressed and schedule it at the desk on your way out"...walks out the door
Me: look in mirror and wonder what just happened, get dressed, go to desk, schedule mammogram, walk to other desk, pay bill (10% discount for paying in full! Whoo hoo!), walk out of clinic, get in car, freak the fuck out (I am only 27 and didn't expect to need the boob squishing experience for several more years!!!)

Crap! Is there a bright side? Um, no. So, yeah...on with life, I suppose.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Worst possible Monday!!!

This is now officially the worst Monday that I have had in a long time. Why? Well, here is today's two biggest pieces of news...

1) The doctor has ordered me to no longer drink pop. I can have one 12 oz can of soda a day! One! Not a bottle, not a fountain drink. Only 12 oz. No more than that. Ugh!!! I drink pop all the time. Everyday. At least one if not six. What the hell am I going to do now? I tried to stop drinking pop before and do you know how it ended up? With me craving it and drinking even more after only 6 days of going without!!! So, good news for my waistline (which by the way has continued to grow and I tell you that the doctor's scale cannot be right!!!) and even better news for my teeth (which are probably FULL of cavities no matter how often I brush). But the point is that this is bad news for my temperament. And that leads me to bad news number two...

2) My daycare lady just told me that she is quitting the daycare business!!! I have exactly 13 days to find a new one!!! I looked and looked for this one. I stressed about finding it. I cried about putting my kids in daycare to begin with and have to do it all over again! Right before school gets out! Right when they will have to spend all day with someone other than me. How the hell am I going to go through all of this again? WTF! Can I just quit my job and go back to being home with them all the time? Please. I just can't handle looking for another daycare...again. The options in this town are very limited and I just can't handle this again!!!

I need a fucking pop. A pop that I can't fricking have because the stupid ass doctor thinks that it isn't good for me. Well, if she had to deal with me on a day like today for more than the ten minutes that she did, she would see that pop is a vital part of my life!!! Help!

I have to go get my kids from bowling, which by the way, they both started today. They are going to have so much fun!

So, trying to stay positive, here are the little things to be thankful for...
...dear hubby went to the bowling alley to sign the kids up so that I didn't have to take off more work. is taking Bubba to the doctor tomorrow to get his warts frozen off so that I can go back to my doctor on Wednesday and not have to take off work three days in a row.
...I don't have to cook tonight because older sis and neice are in town and we are eating dinner with them at my mom's house.
...I am alive. Thank goodnes..

Keep watching for those little things in your own life and I will try to stop sweating the small stuff.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Where the hell did Spring go???

Am I wrong? It is May 2nd. Doesn't that mean that it's spring? WTF!!! This is what it looks like outside of my house this morning and let me tell you, it ain't pretty!! Yep. It's a blizzard! The power went off about a million times since yesterday morning and there is about 18 inches of snow on the ground at this moment. The Interstate is closed, schools are closed, every business in town is probably here we sit at home having a SNOW DAY AT THE BEGINNING OF MAY!!! What in the hell is wrong with this picture!?!?!

When I woke up this morning (to the sound of the phone ringing---it was my mom telling us that schools were closed! Yeah, duh! I mean, thanks, Mom. We appreciate the heads up!) the dogs needed to get out to go pee. I opened the back door just to find that the screen door WOULDN'T OPEN!!! I couldn't get them to jump out through the window (although I really did try!!!) so we all got bundled up (at 7:30 in the freaking morning!) to go out and shovel a path for the dogs to get to their peeing area. Believe it or not, we actually had a lot of fun out there in the snow even though it was so deep that Teensy couldn't really walk, Bubba lost a glove and we not only had to clean a path for the dogs but we also had to shovel off the trampoline because the snow was so heavy and wet that the springs were stretched to capacity!!! Sucky!The kids playing in the snow (above). Dear hubby getting out the shovel (below).

Here's my puppies...

Akira is so small that the snow covered her right up. She was so cold she was shivering!

Lasey hopped around in it like she was a rabbit! By the time we all went in, you would have thought she was a white dog instead of a black one!!!

So yeah, I guess that snowflakes are little things, right??? Just wait until you hear how I ruined dinner last night!!! For now I will be getting off this computer in case the power goes off again!!!

Keep looking for the little things!!! And send some Springtime sunshiny thoughts our way so that we can melt all of this white shit!