Thursday, January 7, 2010

The attack...

Water nymphs stand behind my eyes and menacingly stab as they try to break free; their tiny little spears stinging harder and harder with each thrust.

Quaking gnomes reside within my hands sending their shivers out at sporadic intervals; each growing in intensity as the seconds tick away on the clock.

Tiny constrictors snake around my lungs; squeezing tighter and tighter everytime clean air attempts its entrance.

Bubbles form themselves and rise up until they pop their acidic masses against the top and sides of my stomach.

Microscopic sumo wrestling elves slam their fat little bodies into the sides of my heart causing it to violently pump the blood in and out; racing, making my chest walls rise and fall in an abnormal rhythm.

The seahorses swimming through my veins begin to drown in the racing bloodstream and come to the surface for air, bursting the vessels and causing a redness to spread throughout my cheeks.

And all the while...

The queen sits upon her throne at the pinnacle of my head. Begging, pleading for the tormenters to stop their attack; sending shockwaves of demands through my system that are just as quickly sent back stamped with "return to sender-we will not oblige".

She cannot stop the cretins. I cannot stop them.

My body gives in to the attack as wave after wave of overwhelming anxiety rip through me like a tsunami eating an oceanside village.

I gasp for air. I call out for help.

Neither air nor help comes calling back.

I begin to drown in the waves just as the creatures within me begin to tire.

They slow. I crash.

Then, with one last blow from each and everyone of them...

I fall.

They have won their wretched little war upon my being. Despair has found its way in once again and I am locked within its dungeon; the light of day a distant memory.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Let's Start Fresh, Shall We?

Someone once told me that they don't believe in New Year's Resolutions because if a person is going to resolve to do something they should just do the thing they resolve to do and not wait for the start of a brand new year.

I agree with principal.

In reality, though, I make half-assed New Year's Resolutions just like the masses.

But, in my complete defense, my resolutions have less to do with the starting of a New Year and more to do with my Obsessive Compulsive (OCD) tendencies. I like to know the exact date in which I started something and I really prefer if that date is easy to begin counting by...and what better date to start counting from than January 1st? Right? Yeah, I know I'm a little crazy at times. You'll learn to live with it. :)

My only resolution for this New Year...really for this new to start fresh.


I want to start fresh every morning with a brand new go-get-'em attitude and at least a half-hearted smile ('cuz really...who can smile whole-heartedly first thing in the morning?).

It sounds easy but I probably won't be able to pull this one off either!

I cannot count 2009 as a good year, nor can I write it off as a bad one. Good things happen, bad things happen...and to label a full 365 days as all good, or alternately all bad, is a bunch of hooey. For those negative-nellies out there...stop focusing on the negatives and realize there were also positives. If you are seeing the glass as half-full and sunshine is coming out of your butt...start recalling that one time that someone popped your balloon and you crashed right on down to earth.

And stop telling me that you hope this year will be "the best year yet". I appreciate the sentiment. I really do. But I actually enjoy the ups and downs of my life and I believe in the yin and yang. A year that is nothing but good could only lead to a follow-up year of holy-shit hell. Please, don't wish that upon me.

Anyway, for all of you, I wish that 2010...
...has challenges that you can not only endure but also conquer.
...allows you to frown so that you can appreciate the feeling of a smile.
...brings you new friends that could never replace the old but stand strong beside them.
...keeps you busy and on your toes without taking away the time to stop and smell the flowers.

and most of all...

I wish that 2010 brings you love and hugs and kisses in abundance during times of great need and also in times of great joy.

Because that is what will make the world go 'round in the end.

"All you need is Love is all you need. Love is all you need."