TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year and since you have I will be telling my elves to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christmas.
I was going to bring you all gifts from the 12 days of Christmas, but we had a little problem.
I was going to bring you all gifts from the 12 days of Christmas, but we had a little problem.
The 12 fiddler fiddling have all come down with VD from fiddling with the 10 ladies dancing, the 11 lords leaping have knocked up the 8 maids-a-milking, and the 9 pipers piping have been arrested for doing weird things to the 7 swans-a-swimming. The 6 geese-a-laying, 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtle doves and the partridge-in-a-pear tree have me up to my sled runners in bird shit.
On top of all this, Mrs Claus is going through menopause, 8 of my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the gay liberation and some people who can't read a calendar have scheduled Christmas for the 5th of January.
Maybe next year I will be able to get my shit together and bring you the things you want. This year I suggest you get your asses down to WalMart before everything is gone.
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