Dear (insert things that make me mad)...

Dear Paycheck,

I would appreciate it if  you would pad yourself a bit to help out our financial situation (or at least to help pay for the $1400 dentist bill that will be arriving in my mailbox shortly).  Just add on an extra zero, or hell, just a few hundred bucks this time around.  I promise to work harder to deserve it.

Signed,

Slipping Further Behind.

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Dear Mother Nature,

I am not at all happy with the way you have been treating us.  Kindly pick up that white skirt you threw onto the ground during you most recent hissy fit and put it in the hamper it belongs in (namely, Alaska)! 

And stop huffing out wind at us, too!

Signed,

Freezing and Wind-blown.

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Dear dogs,

Please, kindly stay put in the backyard from the time I put you out there until the time I let you back into the house.  I am not interested in running all over the neighborhood in below freezing weather to chase your happy little ass down.  I do not have four legs and I suck at running.

SO STAY PUT!

I might even give you a treat...if you would stop pissing on the freshly cleaned carpets!

Signed,

Paper Towel Lady with a Cramp in her side.

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Dear e-mail,

I would prefer it if every time I clicked on the refresh button you gave me a new message to read.  Something.  Anything.  As long as it's not a horrible Viagra advertisement, I would be happy to see it.

Please work on that.

Signed,

Bored and clicking.

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Dear Dentist that performed my first root canal,

Go to hell and take my rotting teeth with you.  Take the $800 of hard earned teenage money I paid you to do your fricking job and shove it right up you fricking ass.  Because of you, I now have to pay another $600 to re-do what you have already supposedly done.  You should never have been able to practice dentistry.

So, eff the frick off.  I hope you suffer from a tooth infection!

Signed,

Pissed and Penniless because of you!

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And just so all's you internet folks know.  I totally stole this idea from another blogger who stole it from another blogger.  Hope they don't mind.  It was very helpful in lightening my mood.  :)