Wednesday, April 1, 2009

A letter...

Dear Mother Nature,

I have been patient with you even as I rubbed the sore muscles in my neck and back, chased after the dogs that wandered over, yes OVER, the fence, and attempted to make an edible meal out of the few ingredients we had left in our pantry.

I have tolerated your antics even when they have caused harm to the properties of my loved ones, shut down the schools causing the children to have to attend until June, and had me held prisoner in my own home.

I have defended you against those threatening to string you up on the nearest tree because not unlike a telemarketer, it is just your job.

I have allowed you to sow your wrath upon my town, my home, without so much as a slap on the wrist but this? This is intolerable and beyond what I can deal with. It. Must. Stop. Now.

They are telling me that you are dropping another blizzard on us in a few days. But not only that, you are going to shoot the sun right in our direction first so that we warm up to the 50-60 degree weather before dropping feet of snow on our doorsteps. Really? Must you be so much of a bitch? Is it really that necessary?

You have had all winter to lay the snow on our landscape. A constant few feet would have been appreciated. But did you take that opportunity? Nooooooo. You did not. Instead, you decided to laze around for a few days and allow the sun to do your work for you and then BOOM! slam us with 3, 4, 5 and sometimes in excess of 6 feet of snow at once. Why? Why do you hate us so?

We have always been on decent terms. Even when you are killing our crops with your droughts, we have stuck by you and defended your honor until we were allowed a few drops of moisture. But this? This is Seriously. You have laid over 20 inches of moisture on these already water soaked landscapes and now you want to add more?

We have not yet been completely plowed out from the FIRST blizzard. The SECOND blizzard piled more snow on top of the mountains we already had. Our plow crews are working as hard and as fast as a city crew can work and yet we are still barely able to make it to school and to work.

If you drop more snow on us this weekend, thusly making this a weekly occurence, we will not be able to dig ourselves out before fall.

I don't know if it is just your time of the month (they now make pills to deal with that, ya know) or if someone here just pissed you the hell off, but what I do know is that I am done dealing with your shit. Drop one more snowflake on this area of mine and I swear to you we will go on strike. You will not see a single face, a bared arm, a living body out in your "beautiful horizons" for a long, long time. I swear to you. We will stay indoors and death be to you, Mother Nature. Death be to you.

Pissed off in Snowville...

1 comment:

The Queen said...

You kill me.. and why does it say I'm not following you anymore.. ha ha.. you got hit with the follower eater... I'll fix it in a second..

should have told me sooner I got gobbled up ....