Monday, January 5, 2009

Interview with a vampiress...

I asked Lady K over at this site to interview me knowing full well that she would come up with questions that would stretch my mind to capacity in search of the answers. She has a way of sucking the answers right out of my being. Here's what she came up with. :)

#1 What are 5 words in the English language that inspire emotion in you whether love or hate, joy or confusion?

This one is interesting for me because in my life words are just words. I talk so much, so often that most words lose their meanings and are replaced with whatever I want them to be replaced with. But let me try and come up with a few. I guess number one would be love. That word gives me a sense of peace and you can bet that no matter when I am doodling that word will be one of the first things that emerges on the paper. Number two would be cunt. Cuss words don't usually affect me. Words only have as much power as you give them and in my world cunt has a lot of power. It is not a word that you will hear me say out loud...ever...and it is most definitely not a word I would throw out as an insult to another person. It evokes feelings of rage and sadness to hear it. Number three would be asinine. It makes me feel silly when I say it especially when I use it haphazardly in conversation. It's just a funny word to me. Number four would have to be dad. Confusion and sadness creep up over me when that word is used and I have to smash some feelings down. The last one would be smile. That is probably the most important word in my vocabulary. I use it often and it makes me happy.

#2 What song do you feel best describes you or a situation or emotion you are going through right now?

Music hasn't been all that inspirational to me recently. Natasha Bedingfield's "Unwritten" almost always speaks to me as I feel like I am writing my own book to the best of my ability but it is far from finished and I am the only one that is capable of writing it. It reminds me to say what I want to say because no one else can speak for me, to live with an mind and heart open to new possibilities, and to live my life instead of sitting on the sidelines.

#3 If you had one hour with a magic therapist who in that one hour could fix one emotional issue completely what one issue would you address?

The issues with my father. I believe that I can work through just about everything else on my own but the issues I have with my father run so deep and hurt so badly that I have found myself completely unable to deal with even a small portion of them and continue to cram them so far back in the recesses of my being that I fear the only release for them would be death. However, if a magic therapist could cure me of those issues (or at least give me the tools to deal properly), I believe that most of the other issues in my life would solve themselves.

#4 What scared you when you were little? When you were 20? Right now?

I don't remember having any fears when I was little. I guess I was scared of losing my little sister when she had surgery at the age of four. I have always been terrified of losing my brother for reasons unknown to me. After my dad left, I was scared I'd never see him again (and I haven't). When I was a teenager, I was scared of losing my mother at the hands of my step-father. When I was 20, I was scared of failing at being a parent. Now, I am scared of ghosts haunting my family, losing my children before their time, and of my husband no longer being here. There is more in my life to fear now than when I was little. Back then, I expected and relied upon my parents to protect me from anything harmful, today I have to do that myself.

#5 What makes you feel pretty?

It's interesting but this answer has taken more thought than one would expect. I guess for me to feel pretty everything has to fall right into place. My clothes have to be comfortable, my hair in place. My body must be feeling good (no aches or pains) and my skin not dry. I would have to have a reason to smile, too. A good day in my life makes me feel pretty. As soon as that day starts to go south, the prettiness fades away, too.

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