Friday, August 29, 2008

Holy shit, they're after us!!!

So the story goes like this...

Setting the scene...envision a white Pontiac Van driving down the interstate. Now envision two Elementary School children bickering in the back bucket seats with their mom and dad calmly having a conversation in the front bucket seats. Got it? Serene, isn't it. A nice family outing. Okay good. Now that you have it all pictured, let me shake it up for you a bit...

The four of us were sitting comfortably in the van (and by comfortably, I mean the kids seats were at a slight incline and my foot was tucked up under me as usual (because I can not for the life of me sit like a normal fricking human being with both feet on the floor in ANY circumstance))...anyway, I lost my train of thought there. Where was I? Oh yeah, we were all in the van driving down the interstate. Technically we were doing an "Interstate Hop" (that's what we called it in High School when we would get on the interstate at one exit and drive to the next exit to get off so that we could bypass the traffic in town and get to the other end faster...or race other High School kids to show off our cars- and by "our", I mean whatever guy got the privledge of my presence in their vehicle at the time). Crap, I lost my place again. Stupid wandering mind! Oh yeah, we were headed to McDonald's to grab a quick bite of dinner before we drove the 20 miles to visit Grandpa in the hospital...he's sick.

So, dear hubby and I were talking and I noticed a city policeman parked in a turnaround in the center median. I immediately and calmly yelled asked, "THERE'S A COP! ARE YOU DOING THE SPEED LIMIT?" Dear hubby said yes (which I confirmed with a check of the speedometer myself because God forbid I didn't make sure he was telling the truth). I continued my thought from before the little interruption when I notice in the rear view mirror that the cop has now pulled out onto the interstate right behind us!

"Oh my god! Are you sure the speed limit isn't 65 through here?"

"Yes. That sign right there says its 75."

"Then why is he following us!?!"

Just then we pass another median turn around which happens to be occupied by a Highway Patrol car. As we drive by, he pulls out onto the interstate behind the police car!

"Oh my god! He's after us too!"

"They are not, just sit still and stop freaking out."

I grip the door handle as we pull off of the interstate at our exit. The two law enforcement vehicles followed us! As we pull up to the stop light at the end of the exit, the light turns red. Dear hubby stops, looks for traffic and turns (we were making a right turn so it was totally legal), then he looks into the rear view mirror once again.

"The cop didn't even stop!" he says.

"Oh my god, honey! They are coming to get us!"

I turn around to the kids and yell say calmly, "Put your seatbelts on the right way and DO NOT MOVE!"

At this point, I must tell you that one would think that I had an entire glove box full of marijuana or a dead body in the back with the way my heart was pounding out of my chest. I was seriously FREAKING OUT about getting pulled over by not just one but two law enforcement agents! Oh my, jesus h. christ!!!

We pull into the turning lane to get to McDonald's...and holy crap, both vehicles passed right on by.

Whew! That was a close one! I blew out a sigh of relief.

Then I looked in my rear view mirror again to be sure that they had passed by and Oh My God! The policeman had turned around and was now entering the parking lot and witing for us at the end of the drive-thru!!! My mind started whizzing with what they could be after us for.

"Are the tags expired?"

"No, not until November."

"Then what could it be?"

"It's nothing."

We pulled up to the talk-box to order our food and my thoughts were immediately sqashed by...

"I want chicken!"

"Don't they have any girl toys? I DON'T WANT STAR WARS!"

"Would you two just be quiet for a minute!"

"I'll take two chicken nugget happy meals, both with sprite..."

"NOOOOOOO! I want chocolate milk!"

"SHHHH!" "Get them both chocolate milk."

"Could you change those to chocolate milks, please?"

"And sauce, Daddy! I WANT SAUCE!"

Of course, this continued for several more hours minutes, completely taking my mind off of any encouters with law enforcement and then we pulled up to get our food.

As the worker is passing the food through the windows to Dear Hubby, I see the cop car parked in a spot next to the drive-thru waiting spot. He gets out of his vehicle and walks toward us! That is when I notice the Highway Patrol car and several more law enforcement vehicles surround the parking lot and my heart jumps to my throat! Dear Hubby hits the gas proceeds forward, the cop walks towards our van and then passes by going into the restaurant.

Law Enforcement agents were having dinner at McDonald's!

My heart dropped back into place. I slouched back into my seat and I heard this come from Bubba in th back seat...

"If they pull us over, I hope they take Dad to jail. He's the one driving."

I just about pee'd my pants with laughter (and by now, dear reader, you are realizing that peeing my pants with laughter is a pretty common experience. I blame it on the two pregnancies...nevermind the fact that I did it a lot before I got pregnant, too.)

And by the way...we most definitely did not have any kind of marijuana or dead body in the vehicle with us. That would be just plain wrong with the kids on board. We left them at home in the car. I'm probably kidding about that.

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