Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Dumping it all out…

Brain spinning, swirling, tumbling
over thoughts,
like rocks in a river bed
Smoothed over time
but jagged in the beginning.
Water rushing, cascading
falling noisily through the crevices in my head.
Once again mouth ran away with words
brain in tow, lagging behind
like a tugboat in rough waters.
Wondering how
to make it stop
and float
even keeled.  
                                 ---JW

Do you ever wonder how it is that you get yourself into so many things that you no longer have time to sit and think and plan what it is that you are supposed to be doing in the first place?  Yeah?  Whew!  I thought it was just me!  I am doing that on such a constant basis that it is pretty much just a way of life for me.  Today, I find myself cranky and irritable at the mere fact that I have so much going on.  And you know me…the best way to settle my head on these matters is to let it all out, where it will organize itself before I store it all back inside the wrinkles of my brain.  So here goes.  This is what I have going on. 

A minor car accident insurance claim (we were rear-ended a few months ago) in which the other guy’s insurance company is refusing to contact my medical providers to pay any of the bills and therefore, I am having to go thru my insurance company for an accident that wasn’t in whole or in part my fault just so that the medical providers will stop calling me for information and for payment of the bills has me livid and tense every time I walk into the chiropractor’s office, which is finally down to twice a week for me and once every two weeks for Bubba (who was whipped forward and hit his head on the seat in front of him causing a neck strain and headaches in his 8 year old little body during the crash).  How do I deal with this one? 

And that folks, has to be the longest run on sentence in history.  But that is how I feel when I think of it.  Like I can never catch a single breath just to finish my thought on the subject. 

Also, there is a home owner’s insurance claim to deal with due to a hail storm the day after I arrived home from my Germany trip.  Do we fix the minor damage to the roof or do we chance just taking the money and leaving it be since it isn’t all that bad to begin with?  The money could pay for the truck that I just went to the bank to get a loan for since in this household we seem to need yet another vehicle to clutter up the back drive.  But if it hails again, they will deny our claim and we will have to pay for the damages out of our own pocket…or out of our equity line which would be okay, I suppose.  How do I deal with this one?  Or two, since it is a new truck and an insurance claim.

Girl Scouts is about to start up again with everything that entails.  Planning of a first meeting and then a product sale immediately following that.  A leader meeting at which I will declare that I am now the sole leader of the troop.  An astronomy camp that I want to attend but need to send in the information for.  Calendars to make, forms to fill out and turn in, parents to call.  How do I deal with this one? 

We have a family reunion this weekend.  I need to gather scrapbooking supplies and a table that I volunteered to bring, figure out and purchase gifts for the White Elephant Exchange, pack everything needed for three nights of camping, figure out a tent in which to sleep in for those three nights since ours is ripped and I definitely don’t have time to repair it, make a menu and pre-make at least some of the stuff for the weekend’s potlucks and meals.  And I need to do all of this in an orderly fashion so that I can relax and enjoy the company of my family over the weekend.  How do I deal with this?

My husband has been having chronic nosebleeds and needs to see a specialist but hasn’t made an appointment.  I have to go in for my annual pap and mammo this month which freaks me out because of last year’s mammo scare.  The kids and I are due for a teeth cleaning this month and I have to go in to get a permanent filling in my root canal tooth.  Dear Hubby needs to go in for a teeth cleaning and to start on his dental work.  How do I deal with this?

My new office at home is still only partially completed which means that I can’t find anything.  Half of it is upstairs and half is downstairs cluttering up the whole place.  I have to finish painting, build a shelving unit, make and hang curtains, decorate and move everything in and organize it.  I am loving the space but wish it would just magically finish itself so that I could get work done in it and not on it.  How do I deal with this?

Of course, you have the usual stresses of everyday life, as well.  The laundry, the schoolwork, the house cleaning.  The trying to fit 3 hours of work into a two hour workday (although that will change on Tuesday).  The meal planning and cooking and buying and the bill paying and checkbook balancing.  How do I deal with this?

The answer to all of those is simple really.  How do I deal with this?  I just do.  I just keep on keeping on and do my best to get it all done in a manner that is acceptable to me and those around me.  I keep going…even if my brain feels as if it will explode at a moment’s notice.  Because sooner or later…

It will stop
and float
even keeled
once again.

(The beginning poem is an original piece of art written exclusively by me.  Please do not copy in whole or in part without express written permission from the author.  Thanks.)

1 comment:

Cassy Lu said...

Wow sis, that's a lot going on! And I know a better answer for how you do everything you do, you're wonderwoman! You are an incredible mother, wife, teacher and daughter! I love knowing that since I am your "younger" sister, if you can do it, so can I! You keep me going, hope you know that! Love you sis!!!!