Friday, April 17, 2009

Caring waters flowing deep...

I am sure there are many different types of mothers. 

I fall into the category of the emotional mother.  The mother whose love shows outwardly in the tears she sheds during the moments that others could hold themselves together.  The mother who feels every one of her child's pains (mental and physical) as if they were her own.  The mother who knows instinctively the topic on the minds of her children without really knowing the details.  I am the mother in the parking lot that gets out of the minivan and is sure to give kisses and "good day" wishes to each kid every single morning without fail.

I am that mother.

I am also the fiercely protective mother who will come to the aid of my children when they are wronged, make sure they are getting the protection and education that they need.  The mother that is in close contact with the school teachers and counselors to make sure that my kids aren't slipping through the cracks.  The mother that expects to get my money's worth.  The mother whose children are protected without being sheltered.  Who knows about the bad things in the world from first hand experience and refuses to allow her own children that pain and suffering. 

Yes, I am that mother too. 

My love for my children shines brightly when the tears start to flow or the claws come out.  I have accepted that to be the way I operate.  Even when I am walking through the school building with tears running down my face or yelling into the phone as I stalk the grocery store aisles, I have accepted that to be my way to deal.  Embarrassing?  A little.  Do I care?  Not so much.  Because my kids are my life, my heart and my soul and that is just my love shining through all of the gloom and doom of a rainy Friday morning. 

Cryptic post?  Yeah, sorry about that.  Let's just say that treading new parenting ground isn't always easy.  In fact, it is rarely easy.  But we all make it through those unknowns because that is what we as parents do.  We keep walking ahead with our heads held high and hope that whatever we did, whatever we taught our kids, whatever example we set along the way was the best that we could do.  It may not have always been right, but we tried. 

And that is what matters.  On this one, I tried and then I cried.


Stella said...

While your post is cryptic, I feel your pain nonetheless. Having children is like having your heart walking around outside your body all the time.

My daughter is having a tough day today, I know because I saw her eyes this morning, she didn't even have to tell me. My heart is aching for her and at the same time I am seething with a deep, burning desire for revenge.

I hear ya. Parenting is not an easy gig.

Faiqa said...

I know how you feel. I try has hard as I can not to cry, but, sometimes, it just gets the best of me. And that's OK. Your kids are extraordinarily blessed to have you.