Ever told your child, 'We'll do it tomorrow.' And in your haste, not see his sorrow?

I quit my job yesterday.

Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry go round or listened to the rain lapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
Do you run through each day on the fly?  
When you ask 'How are you?'  Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done, do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores running through your head?  
Ever told your child, 'We'll do it tomorrow.' And in your haste, not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch?  Let a good friendship die?  
Just call to say 'Hi?
When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift....Thrown away.....
Life is not a race Take it slower.  
Hear the music before the song is over.

I quit my job yesterday. 

My son looked up at me from his place on the kitchen floor one night last week and said, "Do you have to go to work every day this summer?"

My heart broke.  I love my kids and they are growing up way to fast right before my eyes.  I run myself ragged every day of the week with no time to just stop and appreciate the little people that they are right this moment. 

Like most people, I work full-time (8:30 to 5:00 Monday thru Friday).  My kids get picked up from school by a daycare provider and spend the next couple of hours playing with their friends, watching movies, or playing video games.  I pick them up, take them home and the routine starts.  Do homework at the counter while I start dinner, eat dinner, get ready for bed, tuck the kids in, work on laundry or dishes, and then spend a little bit of down time watching tv with Hubby until I fall asleep on the couch.  Get up and go to bed around 11pm.  Repeat the next day. 

While this schedule works for most people and for a lot it has to work, it's not working for me.  Or for my family.  Much of that time spent with my kids is time that I am grouchy because I have spent my entire day doing very little and then feel bombarded by the messy house and the loud children.  It's not a good situation and it no longer works for us. 

I've mentioned before that both of my kids are in grief counseling at school, however, did I mention that Bubba has been getting bullied?  Terribly?  To the point of constant headaches from his head being hit against the ground and crying because the playground monitors didn't believe he was not to blame and punished him instead.  The grief counseling isn't moving along very well for Bubba.  The bullying has been dealt with but still torments my little guy.  Teensy...she's holding everything inside and will one day explode into a fit of crying so large she will flood the town. 

My kids need me.  They need to be raised by me with my ideals in their heads.  With my lessons and my love and my understanding to get them through their days.  That is my role as a parent.  So that is what I must do. 

I quit my job yesterday.  Even with an unstable economy, I chose to take care of my family first.  I chose to live a little lighter and spend dramatically less so that my kids have me to take care of them. 

But they wouldn't let me go.  My employers bent over backward to work something out so that we all can be happy in the long run.  Today, we work out the final details and those will look something like this...

I will work from 8:30 to 2:30 from now until the kids get out of school so that I can be there to pick them up and we can go home and have homework done and dinner made before daddy gets home and we can all enjoy family dinners again that are eaten early enough to spend a little time cuddling on the couch or playing a game. 

This summer, I will work about 10-15 hours a week.  I will come in each day for a couple of hours and my kids will come with me.  They will watch a movie in the back office or play out in the yard and then we will enjoy the summer days together.

Next Fall, I will go back to the 8:30 to 2:30 hours.

My house will be cleaned and organized finally.  We will be able to enjoy family picnics on Daddy's lunch breaks and summertime BBQs on weeknights.  The kids will get to play with their friends.  I will be able to work on an exercise plan, take my dogs for walks and get back to the things I liked doing before I came back to work...like hang with my BFF.

And I will be making only a little less than when I was paying someone else to raise my kids for me. 

I never wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom...until I started working full time and realized that I was missing a lot.  And now I am really excited to still be able to provide a little extra money for my family while still being the caretaker, teacher, and mommy to my babies. 

I quit my job yesterday...and it worked out to my advantage.  :)