Stepping forward while walking backwards…

I feel like I was lucky.

When I was growing up, I dealt with my fair share and more of hard stuff.  But not once do I remember attending a funeral.  Death was not a part of my equation in a memorable sense.  Both of my maternal grandparents died as well as my paternal grandmother either right before I was born or shortly after and therefore it wasn’t a huge heartache for me.  From then on death didn’t really exist.  Either my mom sheltered me from the funerals or else no one close enough to me died.

My kids haven’t been that lucky. 

The death of the three year old from our town that died of cancer recently has been weighing heavy on the mind of little Teensy.  On our trip to the cemetery for Mother’s Day, we discovered that his grave happens to be right below Geri and since I had previously explained that he was up in heaven talking to her now, this was a great coincidence.  Teensy has now proclaimed many times that he and grandma are “neighbors”.  But even with the assurance that her grandma is taking care of the little boy, she is still really saddened that he was taken away.  She signed the sympathy card and then proceeded to make her own.  Such a tender heated little soul. 

This week marks the one year anniversary since the death of Geri, their much beloved grandma.  Bubba has started to make progress in his counseling and Teensy just finished a full memory book in her counseling sessions.  We have been doing okay, this family of mine.  We have found ourselves a bit more comfortable with this new normal. 

Two steps forward and ten steps back.  Isn’t that how the saying goes?

Last night there was a really bad car accident a few miles from our house.  It consisted of one vehicle filled with a man and four children.  I don’t have all the details but what I know is that they went over a bridge and the vehicle became engulfed in flames.  The driver and a second grade boy died, two more children are in serious condition right now and one is in critical condition.  It was the worst trauma that the nurses at the hospital have seen in quite some time. 

The boy lived in our neighborhood.  He spent time at my house and played with my kids.  I had spoken with his mother on occasion and saw him at the school almost every day.  Although he was no longer a friend to my son due to a stupid childhood falling out, it is still a place that is too close for comfort.  Once again, reality has rocked the fairy tale world that my kids should live in. 

I have yet to see the effects of this on my children.  We have told them the new but they haven’t processed everything enough to give us a reaction.  That will come later.  In a few hours.  For now, we are in denial that grim reaper has claimed another innocent being.

And that is where we will stay for that is the only way to make it through.

Any other week of the year…but not this one.  Our wounds are already freshly torn open from the planning of a luncheon and memorial tree planting, so we could use a break from the extra despair for now. 

Please.

He’s Creeping Back in…

Hubby says it started when this guy asked to be my friend on Face Book. 

I guess, he wasn’t just any guy.  Technically, he’s my uncle.  Although, no one really acknowledges that fact.

I know I don’t. 

Well, until now, I guess. 

I have a very extended family.  My mom has been married 4 times now and there are five of us kids.  Hubby’s parents were only married to each other but there are six kids in that family.  So counting the siblings and their spouses alone there are 19 of us.  I have numerous step-siblings as well from my mom’s recent marriage(some of whom I have never actually met).  I also had a step-brother from one of mom’s previous marriages but I haven’t seen nor spoken with him in more years than I can count.

What does all of that have to do with my uncle?  All of the above is on only one side of my family.  My mom’s.  No one on my Dad’s side is accounted for. 

I haven’t had any sort of contact with my father since I was between 9-12 years old.  Why can’t I pin-point it closer than an age range?  Because I don’t remember.  My childhood memories are so repressed that I am unable to remember specifics, just ranges. 

As the story goes, he was given a choice…go to jail or sign over parental rights to me and my little sister.  He chose the latter of the two.  And I haven’t talked to him since.  He pretty much disappeared from my life and he took his family with him.  All of the uncles, aunts, and cousins…no contact at all.  It’s like I don’t exist on their radar.  I do have contact with my Grandpa…because he tried.  He kept track and he stayed in touch all these years.  He cared. 

I could go on and on about growing up without my real father.  About how I felt abandoned and unloved and how it has tainted my every relationship…

But that’s not what this post is about. 

Hubby said it started when the uncle asked to be my friend on Face Book.  He said it as he held me at six o’clock this morning.  He said it in response to my obviously upset demeanor.  The shaking (although that  may have only been on the inside), the trembling voice, the sleep deprived eyes.

I had another dream last night.  Yes, another. 

My father has been standing at the edge of my dreams for a week now.  Never showing his face.  Never coming near me.  And yet still making me afraid. 

Do I have something to be afraid of?  My adult mind would say no, not really.  My inner child though, would not agree. 

I have spent my life with terrifying thoughts in the back of my mind about being stolen.  As a child, I was scared he would pop out from behind the bushes and take me.  Now, I am scared the the prey will be my children.  Every story of a pedophile, every story of abduction, every time my kids are outside playing with their friends, the thought lays in the recesses of my mind, never far from reach.  The thought that he will take them…and along with them, the life and happiness that I have built without his help, without his guidance, without his love. 

He has always haunted me.  Like a ghost that isn’t dead.  A ghost that can actually cause me harm.  But I have always been able to compartmentalize him.  Shove him into a little box and down so deep in my head that he can’t hurt me. 

But now, he’s creeping back in and haunting my dreams. 

The adult me wants to reach out.  I have a step-mom and more step-siblings that have never laid eyes on.  I have a whole extended family that lives within hours of me that I wouldn’t even know if I saw them on the street.  With today’s technology, I could stay at a  safe distance but have contact with almost anyone I want to have contact with.  My step-mom has Face Book. 

But the child in me awakens early in the morning shaken and scared because he once again crept into a place where he wasn’t wanted.  Unannounced.  The child in me knows that he has stolen so many years and moments of happiness from my life and by invading my dreams he continues to be a thief in the night. 

Trying to reach out to a family that was taken from me may have opened the door to a demon resurgence.  More armor may be necessary.  

An Interview...

Janelle over at 5 Minutes Till Normal put out a call for interviewees via her blog and I figured what the heck.  So I answered her call and here are the questions she has bestowed upon me.  You know how I am with question and answer type things!  Yippee!!!  Enjoy!  And look at the end of the post for instructions on how to get interviewed yourself!

1) I see that you are going to Germany in 2009. What are three other things you plan on doing in 2009?
1...my hubby, myself, Lady K, and Crazy Kat are going to see Jeff Dunham perform in April.  I am planning on wearing a pair of Depends (weak Mommy bladder and all) just to make it through the hilarity of the night!  I can't wait!!!
2...I have something special planned for January, but you will have to wait and see what that is because I just can't ruin the surprise of it all.  Sorry!
3...I am planning to start my 101 in 1001.  More about that in an upcoming post.  :)
((Wow, that wasn't a lot of detail there was it?  I guess I am having a hard time thinking past the New Year just yet!))

2) They say that we all have a secret talent, what do you think your secret talent is?
I think that my biggest talent (although not secret) is obsessive multi-tasking.  I can do everything all at once without much faltering.  Other than that, I can sing, belly dance, play a dumbek drum, do anything artsy, remodel and redecorate my home, and plan anything.  I guess my secret talent would be my writing.  I am a writer of fictional stories (mostly short ones) and most people may know that but have never read anything I have written or don't know that I write at all. 

3) Right before you fall asleep, what are some of the last things you think about it? On the other side of that coin, what are some things that you think of when you first wake up?
Usually the last thing I am thinking at night is of whatever I need to do the next day.  My mind spins non-stop whether I am sleeping or not, so it is only normal that it's running right before I fall asleep.  If I have an unusual day of relaxation and nothing to do (yeah right!) the next day, I am thinking about ghosts and whether or not the doors are locked on the house.  On the flip side, first thing in the morning I think about not getting to of bed and reasons to stay home and then when I can't come up with a good reason I think of what I am going to wear.  :)

4) Do you sing in the shower? Car? In front of people?
I rarely sing in the shower and always in the car.  I have been known to sing karaoke and once even performed a duet in front of a packed audience (about 200 people or so) but that was a one-time thing.  I enjoy singing and would sing in front of people if I had something to sing.  But a song must inspire me for me to sing it in front of anyone but my immediate family. 

5) What is one item that you have kept the longest? Can you take a picture of it and post it on your blog?
I guess that would be my blankie.  I still have the one I had when I was a baby in my savings box at my mom's house.  It was a crocheted baby blanket and I drug it everywhere with me.  Usually you could find one corner of it wrapped around my finger and stuck up my nose.  When it became all icky and falling apart, my mom took it away and said it was in the garbage.  I found it many years later in my savings box and have had it ever since.  Even though I was little, I can still feel it and smell it when I close my eyes and think really hard.  I will have to make a trip over to Mom's to get a picture of it so watch for that post in the upcoming weeks.  :)

So those were my interview questions.  I hope I get hired!  :) 
Do you want to be interviewed?  If so, read on...

"Want to be part of it? Follow these instructions:

The only rules are that you have to link back to the original post and you have to put these rules in your post:

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions."

And the research begins...

Have I told you all that I am going to Germany? Yes? No? Well, I am...in about 7-8 months. And that means that I better start researching and planning now. That isn't a very long time!!! I have a million things to do and plan and get ready and, and, and... OMG!! I am already overwhelmed!

So, why do I bring this up? Because I am EXCITED!!! Well, that and I found out that my trip is going to be way better than I had originally hoped.

My heritage is German and Norwegian although the German side is the only one that ever gets attention...well, except for that book filled with Norwegian stories, folklore and recipes that I gave to my mom as a souvenir from Disney World back in February, that I am sure she has probably never even opened...and other than the occasional urge to through in some old time traditions to the holidays, I have never really been one to delve that deeply into where my ancestors came from.

But now the research has officially begun. Well kinda. I just received a letter from my paternal grandfather who upon learning of my upcoming trip to Germany told me that there was a hotel there belonging to and named after our ancestors! Really! How cool is that? So there is one more destination that I am interested in seeing upon my 2 week stay there. But I most likely won't get the chance to see said namesake hotel.
Hubby and I only have 2 weeks in Germany (including the travel time which will be a day there and a day back) and that is already pushing our budgeting a bit. We are going to visit my best friend, Josie and Dear Hubby's Sister, her husband and their kids. They all have a million places they want to take us to see including the castle that Disney's Cinderella Castle is based on and the Nurburgring race track. They also want to take us to Paris on the train. Sounds wonderful, right?

Well, I also found out that my little sister and her family will be transferred to Vicenza, Italy with the Army in March of 2009 and it happens to be only 8 hours away from where we will be staying so we have to bop on down to see the Italian countryside for a few days as well.
If we are doing all of that, why, do you ask, can't we go to the Reichs K hotel? Because it is 6 hours in the opposite direction of where we are going to be exploring! Argh! Guess I will have to be doing some more research to fit it all in! Beware of the next seven months of posts on Germany sights that I want to see.

...that brings up a humorous story...

I know there are those of you out there in the blogoshpere that hate those little survey thingies, but me...I'm NOT one of them.  However, in an effort to actually keep the couple of readers that I have interested in what I have to say, I have picked a few questions from a recent survey I found that made me come up with wonderfully witty answers and/or anecdotes and/or facts that you never cared to know about little ol' me.  I hope you enjoy!

Have you ever finished taking a shower and realized that there are no clean towels? Holy crap, who hasn't done that?  It seems to be a recurrent theme in my house and drying off my body with a little hand towel just does absolutely nothing for me!  Especially when I refuse to get dressed in a bathroom and am frequently found running through the house in nothing more than a towel.  Okay, strolling is probably better terminology here as I usually take my showers in the morning and I leisurely stroll through the kitchen to kiss the kids good morning on my way to get dressed in the bedroom.  They avert their little eyes when I end up having to use one of those "shrunken towels". 

Did you ever actually try to find the end of a rainbow? Yes.  I have spent a fair amount of time searching for the little leprechauns although my taste seems to run more towards guys with a little height to them.  But I must tell you, there is something about a little man all dressed in green that makes me say..."Hand over the money and no one will get hurt!".  Yep, folks.  I am all about the coinage right now.  These bills refuse to pay for themselves!

Are you afraid of jinxing things? I have an extremely active mind.  I have thought about everything in my life from every possible angle, bad and good.  The problem with that is it seems that if I think up a scenario...say that I am going walk into the grocery store and run into a long lost friend or that a faraway friend will call me...it doesn't happen.  But the same is true of the bad.  If I think about getting into a car accident, it doesn't happen...at least on that day.  So, I try to go through life thinking about all the bad things so they won't happen and trying not to think about all the good things so they do have a chance of happening. 

If a guy put his jacket on a puddle for you, would you actually walk on it or just look at him like he was crazy?  I am a very traditional kind of girl...if by traditional you mean that I like guys to open doors and serenade me in the moonlight and not in the sense of the guy must do the asking out and take care of the check.  So if a guy were to be standing in front of me and throw down his jacket upon a puddle for me to walk across, yes, I would actually walk upon it.  If he weren't skeezy looking and leering at me with a fake come hither smile.  If he were at least mildly handsome in a princely way and looked as though he may actually be a nice guy and not a sleaze.  Of course, he would have to only be doing it because he thought I was a ravishing beauty and not because he wanted to get in my pants because well, I am married and all I am looking for is a way over the puddle that keeps my cute little shoesies dry.  Now...if my hubby wanted to pick me up and carry me over the threshold of that puddle, I would be all for it.  If I were several pounds lighter and if he didn't have a back problem...

You've reach a fork in the road, do you go left or right?  At a fork in the road, I always stand back and say to myself...  "Oh fuck!  Not again!  Who's going to direct me out of these woods this time?".  Really, people, I need an instruction manual for life.  One of these days I just might attempt to write one.  Oh, maybe not.  You would think that in the thousands of years that human have been around someone would have tried to write such a manual...you know a "Life Guide for Dummies".  So logical thinking has me wondering what happened to those souls that tried such a feat?  Were they struck down dead for giving away the unwritten rules of the game?  Did they get strung up with their head in a noose because they were accused of the witchcraft of more knowledge than their counterparts possessed?  On second thought...I don't think I will write that book.  

When things go from bad to worse, have you ever been afraid of what kind of person you would be when it was all over? I have always in the past been afraid of what type of person I was going to end up being.  The "apple not falling far from the tree" saying has always haunted me as I would definitely prefer to not turn out like my father.  However, I have found in life that the more trials and tribulations I survive, the better of a person I become.  I am a constantly changing individual that strives not for perfection but betterment of what I already am during the course of my life. 

Have you ever wanted to fast forward your life so you could see if it was worth it?  I don't need to fast forward my life to see if it was worth it.  It already is.  Nothing more need to be said on that. 

Have you ever gotten into car with a stranger? Yes, I have.  It was 1998 and I got into a classic Blue Chevelle with three teenagers that I didn't know personally.  They drove me to a pool hall about 30 minutes away.  The night turned out to be amazing and the driver ended up being my husband 3 years later. 

Did the Kool-Aid guy scare you when you were little?   Seriously?  Have you seen those commercials?  A huge red pitcher with tiny arms and legs and a perma-smile?  What's not scary about that?  Yikes!

What was the last thing somebody wrote on you?  Funny you should ask.  :)  The last thing that was written on my was some smart ass remark upon my...um...ass.  In permanent ink.  My husband thought he was being funny one night and inked up my ass, and my breast with comments too crude to put on this blog!

Did your imaginary friend disappear because somebody sat on them?  My imaginary friends names were Casper and Cheyenne and they were ghosts that lived in a tree house and made my sister and I fall on our butts every time we tried to kick a soccer ball.  They didn't disappear because someone sat on them (they weren't allowed in the house!) but they stayed in that tree when we moved to a new place.  :(  Sad.  I miss those little guys. 

And that, folks, was your installment of List Making (After) Tuesday for this week.  Hey!  It was kind of a list!  Enjoy your evening!

Christmas Edition...who are you?

Here we go again! The Christmas season is upon us and you all know how much I love these survey things. So here is the Christmas Edition of one. Enjoy!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? To wrap...whichever fits the present better. To receive...beautiful wrapping paper.
2. Real tree or Fake? I wouldn't be allowed to be a member of this family if I said fake tree. The truth is that I adore the annual tree hunting expeditions we go on.
3. When do you put up the tree? Whenever we get the time after we finally get it picked out.
4. When do you take the tree down? When it's too dry to leave up any longer!
5. Do you like eggnog? Not even a tiny bit. I hate the smell, the look...heck, I even hate having it in my fridge!
6. Favorite Christmas dinner drink? Sparkling cider or Sparkling grap juice served in wine glasses all around.
7. Hardest person to buy for? My step-dad.
8. Easiest person to buy for? My dogs! :)
9. Do you have a nativity scene? No...and I don't want one.
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail them, of course. And make them all by hand if I get the time and energy to do so!
11.Worst Christmas gift you ever received? An electric sander. (I have a fear of sandpaper, kinda, and the gift wasn't really purchased for me, it was an extension of my husband's gift with my name on it.)
12. Favorite ChristmasMovie? How the Grinch Stole Christmas. I love that little green guy when his heart grows at the end of the movie.
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Right before Halloween, I start keeping an eye open for good deals and possible presents.
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Not that I can recall.
15.Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Squash and pinwheels. Usually I am the one that makes the pinwheels. I also love the deviled eggs that my mommy makes.
16. Lights on the tree? Definitely...multi-colored.
17. Favorite Christmas song? Um...Baby, it's Cold Outside.
18.Travel at Christmas or stay home? I have never traveled for Christmas because I like to be with my mom and she lives in the same town as me. I would like to try it once, though.
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's? Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen and Rudolph.
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Either. I think we have an angel right now though.
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? One on Christmas Eve and the rest on Christmas Day.
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? That people can't just enjoy themselves. That everything is always such a to-do that no one slows down to realize that the holidays are about family first and foremost and not about the number of present you got or how much you spent.
23. Favorite ornament theme or color? We have a tradition of buying one new ornament each every year and I love unwrapping all of them and remembering years past. The ornaments tell a story of what our interests were at that time. It's fun.
24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? Ham. I love, love, love ham for the holidays!
25. What do you want for Christmas this year? I want a laptop, a Nintendo DS with Brain Age game...and the ability to find a bit of happiness in the otherwise grief filled holiday season this year. It just won't be the same.
26. Favorite thing about Christmas? That I get to be with family and that I am passing on traditions to my children.
27. Favorite gift received as a child? 24 cans of Coca Cola and 3 tubes of cherry chapstick.
28. Favorite Christmas decoration in your house? The village that my kids have started collecting. Dear Hubby's grandparents always put up a village in their fake fireplace and we always had fun helping them to arrange it. Now my kids have their own collection and I can't wait to display it this year.
29. Best store to shop for Christmas gifts? Walmart and Target because of the variety of people you can buy for in one place.
30. Black Friday shopping...yes or no? Of course! What would Christmas be without the absolute exhilaration of swiping a toy out from under that mother holding her little girl in her arms? :)

This is kind of a MeMe. I would love to know how everyone would answer these questions themselves (I do LOVE getting to know everyone) so go ahead and copy them on over to your blog. Remember to link back to me and leave me a comment so that I can come check them out!

Teenaged Striped Stupidity...

So remember a few posts back, I told you that I never did anything stupid when I was younger?  Well that's not entirely true.  However, I have not once gotten caught by the police nor have I done anything that warrants actually being arrested in my lifetime.  ((I did get put in handcuffs once, but that was just for fun at a friend's party a few years ago.  You can just dream up your own stories behind that one.))

I thought long and hard about whether not I have ever egged someone's house and came to the conclusion that I have not.  

Remember these?  Yeah, me too.  They used to line the front walks of ever middle class American home because everyone shopped at the same place...Wally World!  I used to drive around, or walk around if we were too poor for gas money when I was in high school...probably my  junior year (yeah I should have grown out of the stupidity by then but lived an extremely sheltered life for the years prior to that and needed to get it out of my system).  My friends and I would take these candy canes from people's yards and "misplace" them in someone else's Christmas yard-scape.  Occasionally, we would leave them on doorsteps a few blocks away.  Technically it was theft, but I like to look at it as "misplacement of goods".  Sounds less stupid and more sophisticated that way.  Although, I know now that I was a moron and no better than my nephew.  The difference?  I never got caught by the cops...or my mom!

----------------------------------------

You want more teenaged stupidity?  The same year that we performed the "Candy Cane Capers", you could have also caught us traipsing around town on Halloween wearing black lipstick "kiss" prints on our foreheads as part of our costumes.  What were we?  Teenagers...too old to Trick-or-Treat in costumes but too young to stay home and hand out candy.  :)

Yep, we were cool!!!  What teenaged mishaps do you have in your past?

Favorite Children's book of all time...

Michelle over at My Semblance of Sanity just hit her 300th blog post!  Wow!  I haven't yet hit that 100 mark so that is quite an accomplishment on her part.  Anyway, Michelle is a children's book writer and she has asked the readers of her blog to post about their favorite children's books (of course, there is a contest involved in which even you can win an original piece of artwork done by Michelle---I own one and I love it and they would make wonderful gifts for the upcoming holidays!--just go to her site and read for details.)  So on with my entry!!!

I am having a problem coming up with just one favorite children's book because...well, because I love to read and books are my passion, so I will have to tell you about my top two (Sorry, Michelle, I just couldn't narrow it down any further!).  So here they are...

This has to be my all-time favorite in poetry books.  I am sure that it doesn't hold a candle to the classic poets but it's right up my alley.  The reason it's my favorite?  It's all about the memories people, all about the memories...

When I was in sixth grade, I attended a normal elementary school in a very different way than most of the kids.  I was in an experimental "country school classroom" which meant that I was in a regular size classroom in the regular school but with a twist.  There were first through sixth graders all in the same classroom with only three of us in the sixth grade that attended the class.  We were taught the normal sixth grade lessons but also got the hands on experience of helping the younger kids with their learning, meaning that we were teachers as well as students.  We left the comfort of our room to attend D.A.R.E and other special programs with our "regular sixth grade classmates" so as not to miss out on anything special. 

Our principal was a round, gray-haired man and he liked to pay special attention to our classroom because it was such a change of pace.  Every Friday, he would come in to the room and read us poems from "Where the Sidewalk Ends" by Shel Silverstein using animated gestures and interesting voices.  We always sat in rapt attention; riveted by the man and drawn into the stories within the poems.  I can still to this day, hear his voice in my head reciting "Boa Constrictor".  His willingness to put himself out there in front of us every week fostered a love of reading in my moldable little being. 

Next up, "And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street" by Dr. Seuss.  To be fair, you must know that I love just about anything by Dr. Suess (at least the stuff written for children, as I have yet to read all of his more political based adult writing) but this book reminds me of me when I was young.  The tales that the boy comes up with, his imagination running wild, speaks to my inner child like no other book.  I am prone to exaggerations (still to this day) as was the boy in the book and I have this inner voice that always tells me that no one will believe the story I tell about my life because although true, it is beyond some people's grasp of reality can be.  Much to my delight (and sometimes horror), my beloved son has my imagination through and through.  His exaggerations are a bit bigger but the premise is the same and his imagination is great.

Those are my top two favorite children's books.  Both of them take me back to my childhood and you can bet they are both on my bookshelf at home for my own kids to love and enjoy. 

What are your favorites?  Really?  Well, hop on over to My Semblance of Sanity and read the rules and then write up an entry about your faves so that you, too can win some original artwork for the child in you!

Things you probably didn't know until you read this

...My toothbrush is green and white and lives in a plastic case in a decorative metal box with three other toothbrushes and three tubes of toothpaste on my bathroom counter.  I would rather you not touch it.  And please remember to close the toilet BEFORE you flush.  Thank you.

...The cashier at WalMart made me smile once because she actually knew how to bag groceries.  I hate it when someone bags my groceries wrong because a moron once put some frozen filet mignons in the bag with a crap load of Ramen noodles.  When I got home, I put the whole bag in the cupboard assuming they were all Ramen noodles (since that was the only logical thing).  A few weeks later we found the filet mignon.  Gr-fucking-oss.

...I have been to several strip clubs in my lifetime (mostly for bachelor/bachelorette parties) but I don't remember ever being to one without my husband.  I have been to "toy" stores and parties without him though...makes for better surprises later.  :)

...I had to purchase two packs of new underwear because my Jack Russell Terrier (Akira Kila) has taken to eating underwear when we are not looking.  That is when she isn't peeing on the carpet in the living room.  We just bought her a cage to sleep in at night to curb that habit and the damn thing cost us over $50.

...I am not capable of tanning.  In fact, I am envious of my daughter because her body seems to be not capable of getting a sunburn.  She just gets more and more tan.  I go from bright white to bright red, peel and then repeat the process.  That's why I never wear shorts.

...I am not fond of Chinese food, but I will eat some of it.  Sweet and Sour chicken is probably my favorite as long as it doesn't have the actual sauce anywhere near the meat...or on the plate at all, really.  I also like the fried Won-tons.

...If I drink a pop with a straw in a glass of ice, it gets drank faster for some reason but not if I am at a restaurant.  When I order an iced tea at a restaurant, I will drink at least 3 full glasses before the meal even comes and then a couple more before the meal is over (if I have a good waitress that can keep up). 

...I have a gold and silver watch with hearts on it.  I asked my husband to buy it for me and I got it for Christmas one year.  It was expensive.  It came with a cute teddy bear which made it even cuter. 

...I used to adore Cherry Chapstick when I was a kid.  I would put it on and lick it off every couple of minutes.  One of the most memorable Christmas presents I ever got was 24 cans of Coke and 3 tubes of Cherry Chapstick.  I am pretty easy to please in the gift department.  The simpler, the better.

...My birthstone is a sapphire but my favorite color is pink so my husband found a lab produced pink sapphire necklace and matching earrings and bought them for me for our five year Anniversary.  I bought him a new wedding band. 

...Most of the time we just go through a drive through if we are eating at a fast food restaurant and then eat in the car somewhere.  We rarely actually sit in the establishment to eat mostly because we are lazy.

...We spoiled our fish recently by buying them a new background for the tank, a stump to hide in, a bridge to play on (or fish off of!) and a skeleton that pops out of a bubbling treasure chest.  We are morons.

...I am really good at spelling and English type things...but I always got C's in English class because I never turned anything in on time.  I suck at deadlines completely.  That is why I will never get a book published. 

...I would love for a maid service to clean my house...but I wouldn't want them too close to my things.  It would freak me out and I would have to be looking over their shoulders as they clean to make sure everything got put back just right.  They would quit after the first day.

...Hello is a word I rarely use.  I would rather say "hi" or "how's it going?" instead.  I also overuse the word "Sweetie" and I never call anyone by their given name.  I have nicknames for everyone.

...My mom just got a new kitten and I'm jealous because she is so cute.  I want a kitten but my two dogs would tear it up.  I told mom to name her cat Gypsy because she is calico and super spunky.  she took my advice and named her Gypsy Royal or Gypsy Roy for short (Roy is my cousin that killed himself a few years back).

...I really adore having Family Movie Night at my house because it's nice to 1) not have to cook, 2) eat in the basement, 3) spend time cuddling with my family, 4) be able to laugh at movies I wouldn't watch if I didn't have kids.

...I have lotion at work that leaves sparkly glitter all over my hands and arms.  It's gets all over the keys as I am typing and makes me feel like a pixie or something.

...the absolute quiet drives me nuts but I have a hard time handling noise, too.  Lately, I don't like a lot of alone time because I am not much into thinking about deep and meaningful things.  I don't want to scare myself or make myself sad with  my thoughts so I avoid thinking at all by doing other things with my mind like playing computer games or doing logic problems. 

Getting back in the groove...but not really.

Because I have been completely off-line and out of touch for over a week, I am having a hard time getting back into the swing of things.  You can't really blame me.  In the past 9 days, I have ridden in a van for over four hours four separate times, spent 3 days and 2 nights in the absolute maddening quietness that surrounds my best friend's new house (except for the few minutes when she blasted a CD and danced in the rain like some kind of nutcase), completely cleaned and organized my closet AND pantry, washed EVERY piece of dirty laundry in my entire house, breathed into the phone with an occasional "uh huh" as my children rambled on about their adventures on their vacation, had a date night with my hubby that included a movie, dinner and, and...a shopping trip to Wal-Mart, and I have cussed out the driving skills of many black leather-clad bikers.  I deserve a break from the demands of the blogosphere.

Even though I have taken a week long hiatus already!

So, my point is that today I am taking the easy way out in the form of a questionnaire type thingy-ma-bob.  If you don't already know...I love these things!!!  So on with the questions!!!  Maybe you will learn something new (or at least be able to read a little more detail of something you already knew)...and it's kinda a list, so Happy List Making Tuesday!!!

 

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
In all honesty, I kind of like the act of paying the bills.  I enjoy balancing the checkbook (when it doesn't come out all screwed up...and only if it shows a positive balance at the end!!).  I only buy books of cute stamps so that it adds a little bit of enjoyment to placing that almost 50 cent sticker on the envelope.  And the address labels, with their cute butterflies and hand prints.  Yep...that's me...still playing with stickers.  :)  Of course, I do let Teensy do it for me every now and again. 

2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
Does Perkins at 10 pm on a Friday night count as a romantic dinner when it is bound to be followed up with a trip to the freight laden aisles of Wal-Mart in hopes of getting some actually edible food in the empty refrigerator before the children come home?  No.  Well, how about a quick bite at Arby's before getting back on the road for a four hour drive back home after two full days of exhaustive boating?  No.  Then, I really don't remember.

3. Do you regret losing your virginity to who you lost it to?
Yep...nuff said 'cause my mommy (and step-dad) reads my blog sometimes and they have be known to misinterpret something I have said.  :)

4. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be ?
Not a whole lot because everything that has happened in my life has brought me to exactly the place where I am right now and it was probably meant to happen the way it did.  However, I think that I would have tried to go without an epidural when my baby girl was born...even though I would have ultimately ended up yelling out those beloved cuss words that my son was born hearing...just because I would've been able to enjoy the first hours of her life more.  But if you ask me for an opinion on whether or not you should choose the epidural, my answer is HELL YES!  Don't go through that pain when you don't have to. 

5. Name of your first grade teacher?
Right, like I am going to remember that?  I don't remember the name of Bubba's upcoming second grade teacher, although he very wonderfully informed me in the van yesterday that it is going to be "Mrs. Mr. Irfmany", which was close enough to make me remember her real name (thank goodness, too, because I would have had to do a lot of digging before registration day to find his report card from last spring!)

6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
I probably SHOULD be working.  I would LIKE to be sitting at home on a comfy couch (most definitely not mine since it's not the least bit comfortable) watching a DVR'd new episode of one of my favorite shows while drinking a wonderfully blended fruit smoothie...or getting a full body massage.  They both sound pretty wonderful about now. 

7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
I wanted to be a teacher.  A high school teacher.  I know, I am completely crazy to have wanted to subject myself to those over-hormonal, opinionated little monsters but I still to this day enjoy every aspect of the teenager...the silent treatment, the off the wall clothing, the outbursts of emotions.  I've always thought that I could connect with that age group much better than I could with younger humans.  Ask me if I believe that in 5 years when Bubba enters his teens!

8. How many colleges did you attend?
I attended one technical school...and made it to graduation despite a pregnancy, moronic teachers that hated me, and greasy cafeteria food that was so good I long for it even today.

9. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
Because it is mega cute and new and I hadn't worn it before today.  I am super glad that I did though because I have gotten three comments on how cute and colorful it is and that makes me smile.  :)

10. What are your thoughts on gas prices? 
Considering the fact that I just spent over 16 hours trapped in a van, driving from one side of the state to the other, I have to say that I hate the gas prices.  Somehow, they are 20 cents a gallon cheaper on the other side of the state!!!  A tad bit too expensive for my liking (and that says a lot because I normally pay absolutely no attention to the price of something that I have to have no matter what it costs)...however, compared to what we pay for the equivalent in Coca-Cola or bottled water, I would say it's really not that bad. 

11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you where would it be?
Actually move?  I love where I live.  My husband's family is here.  My mommy is here (and we all know she has to have someone close by to take care of her).  My friends are here.  The people, the atmosphere, the beauty.  It's all worth keeping for a lifetime...or at least until I find something better. 

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
The alarm didn't get a chance to go off this morning because the phone was ringing instead.  My first thought was that my predictions about things being on the brink of a blow-up were true.  They are...I just hope we all have the strength to pull together and pull through. 

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
Um, I think it was something about the lump that has been residing in my esophagus since I got off work last night and how utterly uncomfortable it was.  I actually try not to think right before I go to sleep because if I start the process of allowing my brain to ponder, I can't fall asleep. 

14. Do you miss being a child?
I miss the wonderment, the freedom and the fact that I could remember things for longer than a millisecond.  Other than that, I adore being a mother to my babies and I was meant to be an adult.  Grown ups have purpose and direction and that is what I need to survive my life. 

15. Who is your best friend? Why are they your best friend?
I have a couple of amazing best friends, Lady K and Air Skeri (aka Josie from the Girls Time-Out trip).  Why are they my best friends?  Because those two have been by my side in good times and bad, in times of crises and in joy and we have an undying connection that runs deeper than friendship and into the land of sisterhood. 

Lady K is my editor and sounding board.  The woman I call when I need to get something off my chest, need a cup of coffee or a buddy to browse through Borders with.  She is the one who stood by me and stood up for me in the midst of a major inner crises and the one who drove a million miles over several days to be with my kids when our family was ripped to shreds by death.  She is the righter of my wrongs and the keeper of my stories, my inspiration (in the form of ass kicking) and my muse.  Lady K is honest, loud and in your face and I love her more for it.

Air Skeri is my confidant and my far away friend.  The woman who teaches me what it means to be a good friend even though our interactions are sparse at times.  The woman to whom I send a piece of home several times a year and for whom I tear up every time I hear her voice.  Air Skeri is my partner in crime and in dance and encourages me when no one else has the kahones.  She is as strong as they come without a doubt.  Giving, loving, and just amazing to talk to, I love her to death.

16. What errand/chore do you despise?
I am sure we have actually covered the response to this one.  I despise doing the dishes (even in a dishwasher).  Maybe this is because one time when I was little my sister and I were fighting over who got to wash and who got to dry the dishes.  As we were standing at the sinks, my mom got sick of it and smacked our heads together to stop the incessant bickering.  My plastic, and oh so trendy, headband broke into several pieces...but we stopped fighting (about the dishes, anyway!)

17. If you didn’t have to work, would you volunteer?
Probably...for something like Habitat for Humanity or Planned Parenthood.  However, I am a bit skeptical about trying to help people after reading a news story on how some morons got their house repossessed after Extreme Makeover:  Home Edition built it for them.  I will never be able to understand the stupidity of some people. 

18. Get up early or sleep in?
I prefer the sleeping in until I wake up naturally thing, however, how many mothers with small children have the luxury of doing that?  Most definitely not me...plus I have to be to work by 8:30 every morning. 

19. What is your favorite cartoon character?
I really hate cartoons.  I think that the people who came up with the idea of adult cartoons like "The Simpsons" and "Family Guy" should be shot over and over for subjected ADULTS to that kind of stupidity.  I do, however, enjoy animated Disney classics and my favorite character would have to be Mulan because she was so strong and determined to go after what was right in her heart.

20. Favorite thing to do at night with a member of the opposite sex?
Are you kidding me with this question?  My favorite thing to do with a member of the opposite sex is...........talk.  What did you expect something different?  I love to talk and I adore watching a guy's facial features as he lets me in on his little secrets and his feelings...not like that EVER happens.  :)

21. Have you found real love yet?
Yes.  Yes, I have.  And it is wonderful and unending and powerful.  And no where near perfect in its timing or its nature.  But always well worth the ride.

22. When did you first start feeling old?
When my son started his first day of preschool.  I sat out in front of that house crying my eyes out hoping that he was going to be okay.  I drove to my mom's to tell her how sad I was.  I cried and cried and cried.  Then I wiped my tears and went to pick him up just to cry again the next time I dropped him off.  I guess I don't feel old, per say, but I feel like I am missing out on the stuff that people my age should be experiencing because I am too busy being...well, being old. 

24. Your favorite lunch meat?
Ham, I guess would be my favorite if I had to choose.  However, I hate sandwiches.  Never do I eat them on bread, only on expensive crusty buns.  I don't like picnics because I never like what they bring to make the sandwiches with.  I must have the expensive ham or turkey (like actual deli meat) or else I don't like it.  I am quite picky that way. 

25. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
There isn't one thing that I buy every time I go to Wal-Mart but I will almost always buy some type of food item.  Whether it is actual groceries or just a candy bar, I never leave there without something to eat. 

26. Beach or lake?
I have only been to a beach once...in the middle of a Hurricane (for real!!!) and I have been to lakes numerous times, but I can very honestly say that I prefer the beach...even with gale-force winds and waves taller than me.  I hate the staleness of lake water.  The green floaties, the yucky smellingness of it.  I prefer the wide open expanse of the ocean so that I can't tell that it is polluted.  Plus the ocean is the only thing that has ever made me feel like a small part of a really big world. 

27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
Wow, what a question.  No, I don't.  I believe that marriage is exactly what it was meant to be...a common union and bond between two people who love each other and want to blend their lives into one.  I do however, also believe in divorce.  Life is too short and too precious of a commodity to waste attached to someone that you don't want to spend your time with.  Divorce is always a preferable option to wasting one's time on this planet.  I am married because I choose to be married and I choose to spend my days connected with my husband through the bonds of marriage...not because I don't believe it is right-or moral, or ethical-to divorce.

28. Do you own property?
Yeah, most people do.  I own (with my husband, of course) a house, several vehicles, and many, many possessions that I could not even begin to list here because it would be a list that is far too personal and boring for someone like my intelligent reader to indulge in reading. 

29. Favorite Guilty pleasure?
Television.  Guilty because I would sometimes rather be doing that than just about anything else.  Favorite because it is a wonderful escape and experience of another person's point of view.  And it almost always makes me feel like there is someone out there that is more screwed up in the head than I am.  :)

30. Favorite movie you wouldn’t want anyone to find out about?
My favorite movie has been Grease since I was in Elementary School.  I remember singing every song while the movie played in the old VCR at my next door neighbor (and best friends) house.  We would dance and sing at the top of our lungs and with everything we had in us from start to finish and then we would start all over again (after we waited the million hours that it took to rewind the stupid VHS!!!).

31. What’s your drink?
Actually, lately I have been preferring iced tea to anything else.  I can drink a gallon of it a day.  I wish I could say the same for water!  But once again, I am picky about my iced tea.  I recently purchased gallon sized Lipton tea bags to put in my iced-tea maker but they made it so strong that I had to give the whole economy-sized box to my mom to use.  It's perfect made with lots of ice and  four small tea bags plus a few heaping tablespoons of sugar in each glass.  That's my drink of choice in the summertime.  Ask me in the winter and the answer will differ. 

32. Cowboys or Indians?
Neither would be good for me.  I'll take the white suburban man thanks.  Not that I am prejudiced at all.  It's just that I used to date a cowboy (bull rider) and the belt buckle was just too damn big and kept rubbing against my pelvic bone...oh, wait, that was way too much information.  Anyway, I will skip the cowboy...and the Indian...too many feathers on that there headdress.  :)

33. Cops or Robbers?
Cops, because they have them handcuffs and they are just too dang fun!  :)  But seriously, I was handcuffed once at a dinner party where a cop was in attendance just to see what it was like and all, I can tell you that they wasn't all that fun...them suckers hurt!!!

34. Who from high school would you like to run in to?
Since my ten year reunion just came and went, I have thought about this question a lot.  I didn't attend the reunion because there was no one from high school that I have any care to speak with except the ones that I still keep in contact with (and therefore do not need to attend a reunion to see) and ones that I knew would not be in attendance.  The only people that I would like to run into from high school would be my old friend Melissa (who graduated after me) and a guy in my class by the name of Nick Miller (who did not to my knowledge attend the reunion).  It would be cool to catch up on the past 10 years with the two of them.  So if either of you are reading...drop me a line so we can get together!

35. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
102.7.  It's this awesome station that has a unique tag behind every song that tells the name of the song and the artist who sings it!  It's great...now I can write down all those songs I've been meaning to pirate but couldn't recall the names to!  Oh!  I mean, buy the cd's.  Yeah, I don't pirate music.  That would just be wrong.  And dumb.  And wrong.

36. Norm or Cliff?
I have a special liking for Cliff because he's a postman and my mom works at the post office, too.  But I remember a guy in high school that everyone used to call Norm and he was funnier than hell.  So, um...neither.  I hated that show.  I do like the spin-off, though.  (Frasier, in case any of you are complete morons).

37. Grey’s or ‘The Office?
Neither.  Both stupid.  Neither is funny.  Yuck.  Enough said.

38. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
Tough question to answer.  Not because I can't think of one but because that puts my personal life out there pretty far for judgement.  But here goes anyway...judge away.  Worst relationship mistake ever...infidelity.

39. Do you like the person that sits directly across from you at work? 
Well, I work in an office with four other people.  Two are rarely in and the other two have their own offices.  I sit directly across from no one...well actually, I sit directly across from the computer and that would be you and I like you so, yeah.  I do.

40. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
I am not the kind of person to get all ga-ga over a celebrity but I would gladly go have dinner with Vin Diesel or David Cook...as long as it was a date.  And I wasn't married.  And it was a real date.  And they took me somewhere fancy but not uptight where the food was good.  And it was a date.  Just saying.  Never know who could be reading, right?

41. Indoors or outdoors?
I really shouldn't justify this one with an answer because you all already know that I will say indoors hands down every single time I am asked.  It's just how I roll.  (I started saying that recently thanks to the writer of another blog that has it stuck in my head!!!)

42. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
Yep.  See this post.  I am finally nearing the end and I don't feel like re-telling the story to you right now.  While I was searching for the link, I realized that I completely missed this vehicle in my post "The Automotive History of Me".  Sorry about that. 

43. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose? 
No.  But I was out at a remote campground that belonged to friends of my mom's with my family around the Fourth of July one year and we were all just hanging out waiting for the sun to set so that we could shoot of the fireworks.  The kids were happily playing in a lean-to on some parked four wheelers when we heard a very odd noise.  I rushed in when one of the kids came running out to find that my son had found a fire extinguisher and had sprayed it around the lean-to!  That was the end of their adventures for the night!

44. Last book you read?
"Fearless Fourteen" by Janet Evanovich.  The latest in the awesomeness that is the series about an accident prone Female Bounty Hunter.  I would recommend this series to anyone and everyone who can read (adults anyway) because they are simply the best, most awesome, funniest, can't-put-down books I have ever read.  Love, love, love them!!!

45. Do you have a teddy bear?
I have several teddy bears.  I collect them, I love them, I must have them.  They are on my headboard and on shelves in my bedroom, on shelves in the game room, all over the floor of the play room, on shelves and desks in the office and have a presence in both of the kids rooms as well.  They are everywhere in my house and even though I think them out on occasion, they will always be present to soften the edges of a hard world.

46. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth? 
In the middle of the desert using a bottle of water to rinse and spitting on a dry bush.  But really, who came up with this dumb question and what kind of an answer was expected?

47. Somewhere in California you’ve never been and would like to go?
DisneyLand, Sea World, the beach, and my sister's house would be the top of that list.  I've only been to California once and I was there for all of 20 seconds it seemed like.  I leaned over a loading dock at a shipping yard and almost touched the San Francisco Bay.  Lucky me, huh?  I wouldn't mind going back someday.

48. Do you go to church? 
That is a most definite and emphatic NO!  I won't get into that on this post other than to say that I had the best ever conversation about God and religion with my friend Crazy Kat while staying with her and Lady K.  She really was a great opponent for my argumentative ways and really had me thinking...for a second.  Then I came to my senses and realized that my belief was the same as before...we all believe in whatever we believe in not because there is a high and mighty god but because we have to have something to believe in to make it from one day to the next in a world so filled with hatred and suffering.

49. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
I would prefer to start a new career...only because mine is becoming monotonous and non-challenging and I need something to broaden and expand my mind before I go completely stir-crazy!!!

50. How old are you?
I am about to turn the ripe old age of 28.  Yep, I'm old.

And I am finally finished with this thing!  Yay!  Hope you had fun!

Weekend of Interestabilities...

Yeah, I know. That is soooo not a word but I couldn't come up with anything else to describe the weekend that I had, so that's the word you get. Deal with it.

What was so interesting about my weekend? Well from needles to hookahs, watching television to defying the laws of gravity, my weekend was full of the fanciful, the weird and the extreme. But it's my life...and I love every minute of it.

I started out my Friday evening by getting a tattoo. What? Didn't you? No. Well, too bad for you because although it hurt like hell and I was freaked out by a friends comment that I was going to die of blood loss while getting it, it turned out awesome. Wanna see?

Sweet, huh? Yeah, I know.

After that, Dear Hubby and I had a date night. Kinda. We went to see the band that Lady K is in (Marav) perform at the grand opening of a Hookah Lounge. Great music, hookahs near and far, and belly dancers...now that is a Friday night, for sure.

Belly Dancer coins, Hookah Genies,
and Tips for the Band. Oh my!

By the time we got home from the hookah lounge it was really late and I wasn't able to sleep on my back because of the tattoo, so it wasn't a very comfortable night. My body seemed to rebel at the thought of permanent ink upon it and tried to shut down completely. Which meant that I spent all of Saturday laying on the couch watching television and trying to relax my body.

Sunday brought about some interesting fun. It started with me making breakfast for my family. My comfort food. The breakfast that my mommy used to make me all the time. It involves very little in terms of effort to make but a lot of family interaction.

Pop-Overs. 7 ingredients, drop them into hot oil (feel the calories piling on just thinking about it?), dip them in syrup and/or powdered sugar and enjoy your breakfast. There is one rule though. You see those fluffy, brown weird little things on the plate? You have to decide what the heck it is...before you can eat it. Does it look like a dog with three legs? An airplane from a cartoon show? A alien from outer space? You have to show and tell people. That's the rule.

After the family fun that was breakfast, we rearranged the living room while the kids played some sort of shoot em up game around the furniture. And much to my surprise I found this...

I guess he was in trouble for hitting Teensy! Poor Teddy!

Having had enough of the house, we headed on out the door to defy some laws of gravity and challenge our minds.

See this? This is Dear Hubby and I standing on the walls of a small cabin, leaning really far forward...and NOT FALLING ON OUR FACES! The weirdest part...if we leaned back, we were slammed into that corner like the gravity was coming from there and not the floor!!! It was trippy! And a lot of fun. Plus, I did my good deed of the day. Our discounted pass was for four adults so we paid for the two college girls in line behind us who had just come from Bandimere Speedway in Denver. Saved them a whopping $18.00...and they even said thank you. Hope they had fun like we did and that they got home safe and sound. :)

And that was about all the fun I could handle for one weekend. Well after we hit Menards and WalMart for some household things we needed and then dealt with tired, hungry fighting children all the way back to the house. We got home and grilled up some shish-ke-bobs that were pretty amazing and ended the night with some tramp jumping (not me, I was afraid my back would get hit and that would hurt a bit) and we tucked the kids in to bed.

What a long and interesting weekend. *sigh* Too bad it has to be followed by a Monday. Yuck!

The automotive history of...ME!

What does one write about when they can't think of a topic? I guess we'll find out with this post. :)

On the way home from our trip last weekend, Lady K, Crazy Kat and I got into a discussion about what a car says about a person. The make, model, year and color of a car all signify something if the driver actually spent the time to coose the right car for themselves. I have owned only a few vehicles in my lifetime but I am not sure that they say much about who I am as a person.

My first car was given to me as a graduation present. It was an old blue Plymouth Horizon with wacky seat covers. I named her Daisy May. That car said nothing about me other than "my mom didn't have the money to buy me a real car thought I should work to purchase my own vehicle". I got me where I wanted to go.

My second car was the only vehicle that I have ever picked out all by myself. It was a Red Pontiac Sunbird two-door coupe and was fiery to say the least. Cheap at $2800.00, too. I drove it off of the lot (after having my mechanic boyfriend check under the hood to be sure it was okay) and about a week later I had to borrow money to put in new a head gasket. It took me back and forth to college on many a day, but had to be traded off for something with 4 doors when baby #1 came along. I sold it and haven't set eyes on it since.

The 4-door car that we traded up to was a 1996 Pontiac Bonneville. We got it for dirt cheap from dear hubby's parents because they were ready to trade up to a newer model. That car continued my love of the Pontiac line of vehicles. The Bonne did us proud even with the hail damage, salvaged title, and granny paint color. I traded up, so dear hubby now uses it for his daily driving vehicle.

Recently we traded up to a 1997 Pontiac Montana van with all the fixin's. Again we purchased it off of dear hubby's dad because he no longer needed something so large. It fits me perfectly. DVD player to keep the kids from speaking entertained, 6 disc CD changer for when I get bored while driving and want to sing along to many different songs, and two side doors so the kids don't fight over who gets to open the door. It's pure heaven.

I kinda, sorta, maybe also have a 1967 Chevy Truck, too. My dear hubby bought it for me when we were dating and was going to paint it to match his classic Chevelle...that never happened and he put a gear stick in it that I couldn't possibly begin to maneuver on my own, so driving it is out of the question.

So what do my vehicles say about me? That I have no love affair with cars at all. Cars, trucks, vans, etc. are a means to get me from one place to another. They are not a prized possession. If you can't use a vehicle as an every day driving rig, then it's useless. People who fix up cars just to store them in barns and other out buildings, never to see the light of day, drive me up the wall and have too much money in their pockets. How about you give some of that money to a charity (like this one) that could use it and stop squandering those precious dollars away?

And before you guys out there get your tightie-whities in a bunch...this is only my opinion. Deal with it...and continue to drive your hot looking cars. Just don't let them sit in the garage collecting dust.

Out.

List Making Tuesday, Once Again!!!

Time for some more introspection on my second ever List Making Tuesday. So without further adieu (that is totally not a word that I really know how to spell!)...here is the rest of the list!

49. I love to write but can only do so when thoroughly inspired. Most of my writing never sees the light of day, so to speak, as I type it to release the characters and storyline from my being and then delete it before anyone gets the chance to read it out of fear that someone won't understand the thoughts and perspectives that I have written down.

48. I am terrified to let people read my writing...but I want everyone I know to read (and love) everything that I have ever written because my writing tells so much about me as a person and I feel like they would know me better if they just read it. Most of my writing is romance stories.

47. I am a huge Disney fan. I love everything Disney...the movies, the collectibles, the guy himself (I think he was a mega-genius). When we went to DisneyWorld at the beginning of this year, I was more excited than my kids about the entire experience and I am the one that is dying to go back so that I can just experience more of the magic. I enjoy all of the fairy tale magic that Disney has to offer.

46. I have a problem committing fully to anything. I have collected a bounty of different objects over the years (stamps, teddy bears, butterflies) but nothing ever stuck longer than a little while. I start projects (cross-stitch masterpiece for my mom's bathroom, mural in my daughter's room, quilt for my husband for our anniversary) and I never get around to finishing them. I just have an issue with staying on until the end of something.

45. I hate it when I check my e-mail or my mailbox and there is nothing there for me. I feel unloved and unwanted and like I am not important to anyone. I would love it if my dear hubby were one of those guys that had to work on the computer at work and would send me e-mails during the day. I love to get little notices that I am being thought about...it's romantic and makes me feel like I am special and worthy.

44. My work ethic is lacking sorely. I do what needs to be done but I am the first to admit that I cut corners and shirk my duties as often as possible. If left to my own devices, I get nothing done because I am not a self-starting go-getter. I am a woman who needs to be told what to do, when to do it and how it should be done.

43. I hate to work outside. Gardening, mowing, weeding, watering..hell just sitting outside drives me nuts. I much prefer the indoors to the outdoors. I have, however, had my share of time in the great outdoors. I used to irrigate alfalfa fields, take care of a one acre garden, build and fix fences, and clean out barns and out buildings. That's probably why I hate it so much.

42. I adore Pontiac vehicles. I used to just like whatever my current boyfriend liked when it came to vehicles but when I went out to buy my very first car (the first one that I paid for by myself) was a Pontiac Sunbird and the beginning of my obsession. I had my whole life mapped out in what type of Pontiac I would own. That track was veered off from when we bought a Bonneville from my in-laws but I still own the Pontiacs!

41. My dream vehicle is a brand new Pontiac Solstice. That is the sexiest car on the planet and I can't wait until I get the chance to own one!!! I also have a fantasy involving the hood of just such a car.

40. I totalled the very first vehicle I drove after I got my driver's license! The vehicle was a VW Van (the kind with the sink behind the passenger seat). I was going through a very rutty road and panicked, hit the gas instead of the break and ended up at the end of the gravel road (that teed off into a paved road) in a deep pothole. The impact caused the frame of the van to bend rendering it useless any longer. Had my sister and I not been wearing our seatbelts, we would have literally ate pavement and probably not lived to tell the tale.

39. I have also taken the side mirror off a farm truck trying to back it through a gate, ran the front end of a classic Chevelle Malibu into a wooden fence, fell out of a moving pick-up while going around a corner and been pulled over for going too slow in the left hand lane while driving a "hoopty-mobile". I don't have the best of luck with vehicles. Marrying a mechanic has always been in the cards for me. :)

38. I have a scar on my knee from the road rash that I got when I fell out of the pick-up. The pick-up was a brown chevy, I think and the street was a busy one in Northglenn, Colorado. I could take you straight to it even today although I was pretty young when it happened. The scar is whitish and never tans. I am self conscious of it most of the time.

37. I also have a scar on my knee (not sure if it is the same knee or the other one, I would have to look) that "smiles". I fell off of the swingset in my backyard when I was little and caught my knee on one of the bolts that held the swingset together. The scar is in the shape of a smiley face and is white as can be. I am self conscious of it, too. I don't ever wear shorts.

36. The only other scar that I have is on the index finger of my right hand. It goes from my fingernail 3/4 of the way down to my knuckle and it causes my nail to grow weird. There is a smaller line on the underside of my finger as well. It happened when I was bit by a German Shepard dog at a friend's house when I was young. I was trying to pet it's nose through a fence. German Shepard's are still my favorite breed of dog.

35. I wrote a short story once for a school geneaology project that was in the point-of-view of my uncle's old dog. The assignment was to tell the story of an ancestor using someone else's point of view. I got an A+ on the paper. I was so proud that I sat in front of my entire extended family at a family reunion and read it aloud in a weird accent. I was nervous but really proud of myself. It's on video somewhere. It was probably the best piece of fiction that I have ever written.

I was going to finish off the list today but I have things that need to be done for my trip tomorrow. So this will have to do for now. Watch for some more next Tuesday!!! Enjoy your little things today!

List Making Tuesdays...

As a new blogger, I thought that something I should do is introduce myself (and my wacky ways) to my readers. I make lists of lists of lists on a constant basis. I am not earth-friendly in the way I abuse paper and pen in my list making because on top of being a list-maker, I am a perfectionist and cannot stand to have messed up on my list...or else I have to write it all over again. So in an effort to combine my love of lists with my introduction to the blogoshpere, I have come up with List Making Tuesdays! Each and every Tuesday, I will get on this blog and start a new (or continue an old) list. The very first list will be....drum roll please!...

100-50 Things That Make Me Who I Am

To start, you should know that I have started e-mailing this list to a group of my friends and they in turn have reciprocated with their very own lists. I bare my everything on this list...the naughty and the nice, the good and the bad, the quirky and the absolutely insane. You should learn a lot about me here. And without further ado, here is the beginning of my list...

100. I am obsessive compulsive about the stupidest things. Things like never grabbing the first item on the shelf and always having to keep the blanket tucked under my feet before falling asleep. Yep, stupid things...like making lists.

99. I am constantly convinced that I have a serious life-threatening illness. I have been called a hypochondriac a million times and my best friend has been known to ask "what kind of tumor is it this week?"

98. I very recently had my very first real life-threatening illness scare. I thought that I had breast cancer. It was way more terrifying than what is in my head.

97. When I was little, my sister, Lu-Lu, and I used to try and impress our friends by pretending to take medicine. We had some rare disease that was treated by a teaspoonful of lemon juice from the refrigerator.

96. I have always had a security blanket. Whether it's a blanket shoved up my nose or a boyfriends jacket, I feel as if I need something to protect me always. Right now, it's a green fleece jacket.

95. I am extremely long winded. I love to talk. To anyone. I can strike up a conversation with a total stranger in the grocery store. That's probably why I like to blog. But I like it when people actually listen and respond to what I say and that's why I don't like my blog (until you people start to leave comments to show me you are there).

94. If I don't feel like I can be myself, I shut down and shut up. I hate not being able to talk. It makes me feel trapped and alone. But if I am not comfortable and feel like I have to hide my true self, I stop talking altogether.

93. I can't talk in front of large groups of people. I hate speeches. I took a speech class in college and everytime I got up to give a speech, I would hyperventilate and shake horribly. I got a C in that class because the teacher was a bitch.

92. I am afraid of illogical things. Like snakes biting my ass while I pee and the remote control giving me brain damage if I point it at my head.

91. I am also afraid of spiders (I scream like a girl), snakes (more screaming), the dark (although I must sleep in total darkness) and ghosts.

90. "The Blair Witch Project" movie scared the bejesus out of me because I watched it in my Dear Hubby's living room in his house in the middle of the woods while we were dating. Add that to my fear of ghosts and I was scared pretty shitless.

89. I am more scared of ghosts, aliens and supernatural things than I am of serial killers and rapists because they are more unpredictable and less is known about them. The uncertainty is the scary part.

88. I have an escape route from my bedroom in my mind for every instance from fire to rapist entering my home. I know exactly what I would do in each case and what I would grab on the way out.

87. I am a natural blonde and I love the look and feel of long hair but I change my hair often. I have had boy short hair and almost butt length. I have tried perms and I color my hair alot. Every time I have changed my hair in my adult life it's been because I hit a point in my life where I needed a life change and a different direction.

86. I never worry about what the cut or color will come out looking like (which is good because I have had stripes of multiple colors) because I know that it is just hair and it will eventually grow back and can always be covered over. Although, I have looked back at pictures of myself and realized that I looked rather weird at points of my life.

85. I don't ever notice age on a person. I cannot look at someone and guess what age they are. I look at people and see a personality and a smile and that tells me whether or not we are compatible. I never see someone as being too young or old to be my friend.

84. I have a fear of old people. Not really the people themselves, but really a fear of what they represent. To me they represent time passing and the end of days when the lights all go out and you are no longer in existance. That, to me, is scary as shit.

83. I am terrified to die and terrified of death but I have thought of a scenario for every single way that I could possibly die. It's like an obsession with me. I have a plan for every possibility.

82. I am crazy about planning. If I don't have a plan ahead of time, I am lost and confused. I have to plan things like trips in great detail because I need to have a purpose and a point to life. Nothaving a plan...being spontaneous...holds the possibility of me having a panic attack or just breaking down entirely. Just give me my pen and paper and leave me alone to plan the thing.

81. I am likely to have a panic attack and hyperventilate if you write on my score paper while playing a game. It has to be precise and pristine with only my handwriting on it. The numbers must be straight and pretty. Even the doodles have to be perfect. Do Not Touch My Paper!!!

80. I love to play games. All kinds of games. Most definitely strategy games like Backgammon and Othello especially if I am playing them with my husband.

79. I have been married for almost 7 years now. Today, we are good but it hasn't always been all peachy keen. It has been tough at times and like a fairy tale at others. But we are together and that is what counts. Marriage is hard.

78. My husband is, quite literally, the nicest man on Earth, and I wish that I had even half of his capacity to love others and one quarter of his belief in the good of all mankind because I am more likely to put myself first and believe the worst in everyone around me.

77. I have lived through a lot in my short lifetime and it has left me bitter towards life and believing that I have to protect myself and those that I love way more than is necessary at times. I don't want the people that I care about to have to experience what I did.

76. I am leary of any man being around my children in any capacity. My father was a child molester that never had to pay for his crimes against innocent children and it has caused me to look at men in a different light. I am careful to know the men that I allow around my children and I keep them rather close to my side in an over-protective-mama kind of way.

75. I need to be wanted and loved and I put the people around me through the paces to make them prove that they love me. This all stemmed from my father signing a paper that gave up all parental rights to me when I was young. I have never been able to overcome that. If the man that was supposed to love me the most didn't, no other man would.

74. I have always wanted a daddy even though if you were to ask, I would vehemently deny such a thing. I listen to songs or see in movies where a dad would walk his girl down the aisle or check under the bed for monsters and I didn't have that. I feel like I missed out.

73. I would sacrifice my own life to make sure that my daughter and my son have a loving father to care for them, teach them and provide for them. I'll be damned if they have to endure the lifelong pain that still plagues me.

72. Neither of my children were planned, but both of them are loved more than I could ever have imagined. My son caused me to grow up faster than I had wanted at the time. Looking back, it was for the best. I am a better person because he taught me how to be an adult.

71. My daughter was more than a surprise. I didn't want another baby at that time. I was depressed that I would have to care for another child and all around miserable at the thought of being pregnant once again. Once I felt her little heartbeat inside of me, I pulled out of the depression and loved her even more to make up for the initial reactions I had. She is my heart.

70. I have never really liked kids. They have always bugged the hell out of me. I don't like them to make a mess and I don't like to pay attention to their wants and needs and whining. But my own two kids are my reason for living. They are my life and I wouldn't change a thing about them.

69. My husband wants another child...I do not. I have a big family, as does my husband but I feel like our family is complete the way it is. I don't think that a third child would get as much love as we show our other two because I don't think I have a whole lot more love to give out. The ratio right now is perfect.

68. I am also terrified to conceive again becuase my husband's family is cursed. The third child never makes it through life. Still born, miscarriage, crib death...those are all real possibilities within his family and it always happen upon the third pregnancy. I don't have the ability to live through losing a child.

67. I bottle fed both of my children because I couldn't get over the whole nastiness I felt at having a child sucking on my boob. I did give it a try with my first baby, but felt inadequate and wrong. I have never felt that I made the wrong decision in bottle feeding my babies.

66. I have seen the live birth of two babies other than my own and I feel closer to those two little men than I do to any of the rest of my neices or nephews. Watching a baby come into the world is the most amazing experience that a person could have.

65. I am a Girl Scout co-leader. I have always wanted my daughter to be involved in scouting because I did it when I was little. I always figured that as soon as she was old enough to start, I would just start my own troop and be the leader. Before I got the chance, she was invited to be in someone else's troop so I let her join. A year later, I became the co-leader.

64. There are 10 girls in my troop and I get immense satisfaction out of seeing them succeed in both scouting and in life. Most of the girls are in the same grade as my son, so when I attend his school programs, I get to experience the joy of having several of "my kids" singing or dancing their hearts out.

63. I love to sing. I replay songs that I like and learn all of the lyrics correctly, so that I can sing along when the song comes on. I don't like to be interuppted when I sing...unless I don't know the words.

62. I like to sing karaoke but since I have such a fear of being in front of people, I don't do it very much. Only once in a while in a random bar where I don't know the people (other than whoever I am there with) and I get talked into it or someone will do it with me.

61. I don't do alcohol very much. I hate the taste of beer, I can't stand the feeling of being drunk, the room spinning, the puking, the not being in control of what I say and do. I just don't do alcohol anymore. I used to, but never that much.

60. My husband and I got so drunk the night we graduated from college at a house party that I couldn't see straight enough to find the bathroom. I peed my pants before some friends girlfriend drove us home. We then proceded to spend the night puking...one in the kitchen sink and one in the toilet. I have no other memories of that party.

59. I loved college. I loved the learning and the people and I would go back if I didn't think it was a huge waste of my money and my time.

58. I have a Degree in Accounting that is 7 years old and now completely obsolete. That is totally okay with me because Accounting was boring as hell.

57. I chose Accounting as a major because I wanted to go to school with my boyfriend (now husband) and it was the only course that sounded good...I love paperwork and I was good at math so I couldn't go wrong with Accounting, right? Wrong!

56. I now work as a secretary/administrative assistant in a real estate office. Maybe someday I will get a real estate license but for now I am loving the work of a secretary. I adore customre service, answering the phones, filing and faxing papers and working on the computer. this is a good job for me...wish it was a little more secretary work and not so much housework.

55. I hate to do housework. I hate cleaning and keeping things neat and tidy and in their places. It drives me nuts to have to waste time putting things away when I could just throw it in a pile and deal with it when I get a chance and the ambition to handle it.

54. I never do the dishes, take out the trash, or clean the toilet...at home. I have to do all of those things at work for pay but my husband does them all at home. I take care of other things like laundry and cleaning our bedroom and the kitchen counter. We have a pretty fair trade of who does what...we just both stick to what we know.

53. I am also not fond of cooking. Especially in the summer time when the weather is just too damned hot to deal with it. I am not that great of a cook either. Recipes never turn out the way they are supposed to becuase I am picky about what ingredients can go in. However, the few things that I do know how to cook, I am very good at and people love it when I do make them.

52. I can't eat things that look like, or smell like, someone puked it up. Casseroles are not cool. Hamburger Helper...forget about it. I just have to have all of my food in seperate spots on the plate and it all has to be free of nasty gravies.

51. I hated my Mother-In-Law's cooking when I first came into the family. I would always eat before I went out to her house and then pretend to eat a little while we were there. I have gotten better at trying things over the years but I was still not fond of what she'd make and I usually went home hungry and found a snack to fill me up. Now I feel guilty for never giving it the chance it deserved.

50. I have never had someone close to me die...until my Mother-In-Law. I feel cheated now because I never got to know her better, spend more time with her, or listen to more of her stories. I am having a hard time healing from the gaping wound her death left because I should have cherished the time with her more.

I was going to put all 100 in this post but as always the long-windedness of me has struck and the post is now too long. I will post 49-1 at a later date.

Trash Can is finally here!!!

Trash Can has finally come into the land of the living and gotten herself a real name. :)

My neice was in town visiting when she was about 4 months pregnant or so. She is a small girl so she wasn't showing just yet. Among my barrage of questions about her pregnancy, I asked her what the baby's name was going to be. Her, being the smart ass that she can sometimes be and not wanting to reveal the names that she had so laboriously picked out, replied, "Trash Can". The nickname stuck and the baby has been lovingly referred to as Trash Can ever since. I know, I know. What a name to be saddled with!?!

Funny before-birth nicknames seem to be a trend in my family. My neice (the same as mentioned above) was called "Who's It?" before blessing us with her presence leading to the family joke of saying "Who's It's? having "Trash Can"!!! We called my son "B" because we couldn't settle on a name and the ultrasounds were inconclusive as to his sex (damn kid crossed his legs!!!). I on the other hand was "Carl Fred". I know what you're thinking...holy cow! Who would name a baby that? Well, my mom, for one. She was so serious about bestowing upon me that horrific name that when I heard her murmurs from deep within her womb it scared the tally-whacker right off of me!!! From that day on I was a girl. :)

Anyway, Trash Can is now Cloe Marie and she joined us this afternoon. I just can't wait to get to see her and hold her and love on her. Another new baby in the family to make me realize that time is slipping by way to fast for me. *sniffle*

There's another little thing to marvel at!
...don't forget to watch for your little things!!!