Toilet talk...

Teensy walked out of the bathroom this morning, having gotten to be second in the line of four of us that needed to use it...badly. As I head towards the bathroom (having graciously been awarded the number three spot seeings how I just had to pee and Bubba had to take a bit longer), Teensy pulls down the side of her only article of clothing, her underwear, and says "Look, Mom. I got a toilet mark." I look at her with cocked eyebrows and a look that said 'I am so glad that you showed me that' and say, "That's what happens when you have a butt small enough to fit inside the toilet seat and you spend 30 minutes relaxing on it while the rest of us are out here doing the pee-pee dance. Go get dressed." She looks at me and says, "No. I have to go show Daddy first." I did the best parental thing I could think of...

...I rolled my eyes and muttered something about wishing my butt was small enough to get "toilet marks".

Enjoying the little things!

So, in an effort to move on with the process of actually living my life instead of just existing in it, I decided this morning that I needed to get back to "the little things". Here are a few of my recent little things that I can find some joy in...

• My 6 year old daughter can read. She just finished Kindergarten and we were afraid that she wasn't quite up to par on her learning and may not be ready for First Grade. This morning, she whips out this reading ability! Okay, she can only read some words, she still needs help, but she has the ability to sound out the words she doesn't know and she tries really hard and that is a little thing that makes me proud.
• My 7 year old son absolutely adores Presidents. We bought him a book about the presidents at a garage sale a few weekends ago (but forgot to actually give it to him--okay so we didn't forget, we just didn't empty out the Suburban until this last weekend!!!). He has latched onto it and won't let go since. He is reading it page by page, sounding out the words that are too big for his vocabulary and marveling at the pictures. That's a little thing that amazes me...my son has a penchant for politics.
• Since we are on the subject of reading...I am almost done with a new book. I joined one of those Book-of-the-Month clubs where they mail you the top book on your list. Well, I love the first one that I got. I sit and read for about 10 minutes in the morning as I eat my morning doughnut in the car and then again in the evening when I get home from work before I start dinner (or procrastinate long enought o order something in!). It's my relaxing time and it takes me to a place that is happier than here at the moment.
• My dear hubby cares enough to learn the art of Reflexology for me. He even practiced on me along with the instructional video last night. I don't expect him to do it often (as it requires more pressure than a regular massage and his hands won't stand for that) but it was sweet of him to want to learn.
• I am planning a girls trip out with four of my wonderful girl friends (if things fall into place). Everything is in the beginning stages right now but I am really looking forward to a few days of laughing, crying and acting silly with the best women on the planet.

Well, that upped my spirits for the day. I better get back to the grind for now.

Enjoy your little things!

Pediatric Cancer Fundraising Site...

Through my journeys in blogging, I have come across many types of people but this lady always inspires me and makes me want to help. I have purchased an original piece of artwork from her to help raise money, but she has come up with a brand new website so that everyone can follow the cause and help. So click here and check out what's going on at "It's 4 the kids"! There are stories and pictures of the children affected by pediatric cancer as well as a place for you to buy unique items or just donate money to the cause. Check it out. It will change your life. :)

Teensy turns a year older!

My baby girl turned 6 last weekend. Seriously, it has been six years that I have had her amazing smile in my presence and it seems like she was born just yesterday. We threw he a huge tea party in our front yard. The turnout was amazing. All the hard work that went into it, all the favors I asked of family and friends...it was all worth it because Teensy had herself a wonderful time at her very own tea party. And she couldn't be any cuter!

I took this picture in remembrance of her Grandma Geri, who just passed away. The tea cup Teensy is holding is one that usually sits on a high shelf in Grandma's kitchen. The hat was Grandma's. And this is a picture Grandma would have displayed very proudly in her home and so we will display it very proudly in ours in her memory and in her honor. Not to mention to show how absolutely adorable my baby girl is!

Back to my baby girl's birthday. In the past six years, I have watched that little girl grow from a cute baby, into an adorable toddler, then into a pretty preschooler and now into a beautiful grade schooler. She will be headed on to First Grade this next year and I couldn't be more proud of my little angel. She has every one of her daddy's best qualities (genuinely nice to everyone, laid back personality) as well as my tendency to take on stress as a physical symptom and occasional bitchy attitude but all in all she is the best little girl I could ask for. She's my heart, through and through.

We don't usually do theme parties around our house. Just cake and ice cream with family usually suffices, but this year I am really glad that we decided to go all out. We decorated the front yard in the colors that Teensy chose (pinks, greens, and oranges). We made finger sandwiches, cupcakes, and strawberry roses for the food. There were also offerings from friends and family (Russian tea cakes and fondant flowers). Teensy's cake was a tea pot and we all drank iced tea and strawberry lemonade out of tea cups. Teensy opened presents and all the kids jumped on the trampoline and had a splendid time together. It was really great to have such fun. My mom and sister's even suprised me by showing up in Tea Party outfits when I thought they were just coming in jeans!!! They helped to make Teensy's party even better for her.

So Happy Birthday, My sweet little girl. I know that your special day was over-shadowed by a sadness none of us expected but I hope it was all you dreamed it could be anyway. Enjoy your presents and telling everyone that you are now six years old. We all enjoyed your party, for it was an oasis for us all to escape away too. Your smile made the whole day bright. I love you, my heart. I hope this year is great for you. :)

Pretending to be okay...

I know, it's been several days since my last post. Let's just say that life is kicking my ass up one side and down the other. As you have read, my dear mother-in-law died recently. Well, to add insult to injury, her mother passed away last week, as well. We have attended two prayer services, two funerals, and two burials, ate more ham sandwiches than I could ever hope to count (why does everyone give ham to grieving families?), and cried so many tears that all of us are dehydrated to the point of numbness. And yet...it continues to pour down upon us in sheets of rain, literally and figuratively. We cannot catch a break.

I am back to work today, although I am barely functioning. I am finding it hard to just resume the life that I had before the last two weeks rocked my existance. I have never before lost someone this close to me and I am having a hard time not giving up all together. It is hard to be any kind of rock for the people around me. I am just not that strong, and yet, somehow, someway, I continue to move forward from day to day and I find moments of peace amongst the chaos. I have also learned a few things about the process of death and grieving that never before crossed my mind (although I find that odd for someone that has thought of every single way that she could possibly die).

• One of the most insensitive questions to ask a grieving person, and yet the most asked question of all, is "how are you doing?" How the hell do you think I am doing? Do you think that I am jumping for joy and laughing my ass off at the fact that a loved one is no longer with us? How am I supposed to be feeling? DUH!
• Being present and having a say in the final preparations is healing (even if the funeral home preys on the grief of the family by suggesting more expensive items knowing full well that they will not object on a basis of cost because all we want is the best for the body of our loved one because having the best makes us feel more at ease with the process of dying and still being able to be close to the lost loved one).
• There is as much laughter as tears around the time of a funeral because it is another reason to get together with the family that you see only once or twice a year. And it is almost as great to see them leave as to have them there for support.
• Real friends are those that are willing to drive 42 minutes 8 times in 6 days just to be by your side for a few hours so that you don't have to be alone, babysit your children so that they don't have to be underfoot at the funeral home (even if that means bringing home dead deer bones as treasure), or help you analyze the meaning of bolting awake at 3 am for 3 days in a row while sitting next to you drinking your awful version of a cup of coffee. Real friends don't ask questions, they just come when asked. And they make you forget the pain for a few moments in an otherwise horrific existance.
• Life really can end at any moment and if we don't leave our legacy every day, we will be forgotten. So finish those scrapbooks and all the rest of the unfinished projects, hug your loved ones and make sure they all know exactly how you feel about them, leave your mark on others lives by being there when they need you and listening when they talk and live today as if it is your last because it very well might be.
• I don't know where I want to be buried because I am too damn scared to think of that kind of thing but I have every intention of making a will just in case, if for no other reason than to tell everyone that I love them

This whole thing is surreal and wrong and I am sure that I will shed many more tears because of it but life has to go on sometime. My coworker walked by me today and asked "What are you doing?" My reply came as "Pretending". "To be busy?" he asked. Much to my surprise, the words tumbled out of my mouth (as the truth often does with me), "To be okay," was my response. That is what I am doing today....pretending to be okay with everything that is happening in my life becuase there is no other way to be. I have to be okay. And that is what I will try to tell myself everyday until it become the truth instead of just fiction.

I guess now is the time to look for those little things once again to fill my heart with joy. Nah...maybe I'll start with that tomorrow. I'm just not ready today.